


Espadas Undercover

by Aceidia



Series: Past and Future of the Espada [1]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Humor, M/M, Real world
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-25
Updated: 2014-09-23
Packaged: 2018-01-10 01:03:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 24
Words: 21,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1152949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aceidia/pseuds/Aceidia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Ichigo and the Soul Reapers invade Hueco Mundo, Aizen uses the last scrap of his brainpower and sends the Espada undercover to the Human World. It is easier said than done. Between keeping Szayel from starving them or Starrk spending all their money and holding down a job, Grimmjow and Nnoitra have their work cut out for them. (Re-post from FF.net, where this work is finished.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Need For a Beer

 Author's Note: This is an Alternate Universe where Ichigo and the Shinigami went to Hueco Mundo and Aizen sent the Espada away to guess where...

"Oye! Get up, old man!" Nnoitra grouched, smashing his left foot into Starrk's stomach.

"Get your own beer at four in the frickin' morning!" Starrk mumbleed and pulled a twenty pound note out of his right pocket, "Ger get..."

"I get the-" Nnoitra was about to smash his foot into the face of world's laziest Espada when Grimmjow put his hand on shoulder.

"Don't. I'll go with you and get the old man what he wants... I have an errand to run anyhow." Nnoitra frowned as he stared at Starrk who was lying peacefully on the couch. It was just such a pain to have to take orders from such a lazy Espada. "Too bad he ranks higher than I... What in the world do you need, Grimmjow?"

"We need food." Was the reply, "And since we have to stay here in the world of the living for a while; until we head to the Soul Society like Aizen ordered, Szayel figured he shouldn't have to starve. Granted, from what I heard from Tia, he wants the rest of us to starve so he can see just how it affects us. According to him, 'humans and hollows are different, no?'"

Nnoitra was about to say something in response, when Szayel walked over to them with a wicked smile on his face. "And I will be coming along to make sure that my experiment is not tampered with... ah, Grimmjow?"

The blue-haired Espada sighed and looked way up at the ceiling. "Fine... Fine... You can come shopping too..."

_We have to get rid of Szayel as soon as possible...Or we're all toast._

Grimmjow glanced at Nnoitra and saw he was thinking the same thing.

But how was the question.

Szayel was too smart for his own good and would escape most any plan they came up with.

Grimmjow and Nnoitra might have been among the strongest and fastest of the Espada, but they knew they were not one of the brightest. Which gave them a horrible disadvantage, given the situation...

After the Soul Reapers invaded Hueco Mundo, Aizen thought it would be best to send his elite force of Arrancar to the Human World to protect them. Which to many of the Espadas, made almost no sense at all. However, orders were orders…. And unfortunately no one knew when or if they would be returning to Hueco Mundo. (Aizen tended to have one step plans these days, having tired from elaborate scheming... as it took too much brainpower.)

"So...are we going to the store now?" Szayel asked, casually putting his hands in the pockets of the plain blue jeans he was wearing. While they were gone, Gin suggested the Espada wear normal human clothing to blend in as much as possible. So, thanks to the vast collections of fashion in the world of humans, all ten of them had found their kind of clothing.

Tia found she liked wearing sweatshirt and pants, Grimmjow on the other hand enjoyed wearing cargo pants and a muscle shirt...and that was just the beginning of all the various clothing they found.

And if the Espada had to vote on whom had the worst taste in clothing, the award would have gone to Ulquiorra.

He had not quite figured out the street gangster look, having put the baggy pants over his white outfit and baseball hat over what remained of his hollow mask. Which was one of the harder kind mask to hide.

Thankfully, everyone was quite able to cover the broken hollow masks and holes with scarves or other accessories.

Nnoitra wore a causually red bandana eye patch, others wore shirts, pants. Grimmjow and Aaroniero, on the other hand, had quite a difficult time.

"How am I supposed to cover half my face?!" Grimmjow yelled a week ago when the vote to go explore was nine to one. "Do you expect me to wear a sack over my head?" Aaroniero complained, not liking the pillowcase that Tia gave him to put over his glass head. "It looks so plain!"

"Fine… do you want me to draw something on it?" She offered, pulling out a set of colored markers from her purse.

"Nah.. I'll just stay here." With that, the discussion was over.

* * *

 

"Now, what am I supposed to do?" Grimmjow grouched, catching a glance at his face in the mirror by the door leading into the hallway. "I still have a problem over here."

"No idea." Tia said from her place in the living room chair, seeing that Grimmjow was still suffering from the same dilemma in the present moment, "Maybe you just had a little trouble with the superglue and a dinosaur mask. No one at four in the morning will care. Just to get Starrk what he wants."

"Yeah... what ever..." Grimmjow muttered and made he was over to the door of the apartment Aizen rented for them in the human world. "Come on guys, lets go get Starrk his beer he wants to drink while he sleeps.

" With this, he, Nnoitra and Szayel walked out into the hall and headed for the stairs leading down from the twelfth floor, for the elevator went out yesterday.

* * *

 

Author's Note: This story is set in Scotland and so, the money and the measurements are different. :)


	2. The Real World Does Not Speak Japanese

Szayel skipped down the sidewalk in front of Grimmjow and Nnoitra as if he were a child. How he loved the world of the humans...even though they were weak beings, they came up with many a useful invention.

"I...have to say..." Grimmjow noted, seeing Szayel's manic smile out of the corner of his eye. "I am kind of concerned. I don't think we should have brought him along..."

"I don't care..."

Nnoitra and Grimmjow stopped and turned around to see Tia Harrbel trailing behind them.

"Oye, what are you doing here, woman?" Nnoitra sneered, making Tia frown.

"I am coming to keep all of you in line..." she slapped Nnoitra across the face as she walked past. " Remember, I am far more powerful than you are. And I will be not hesitate to destroy you if you insist on looking down on me."

"So..." The man behind the twenty-hour conveience store stared at the four costomers who were speaking in absolute gibberish. "What is it you want?" He was not sure if they were tourists or aliens. Same thing anyhow.

"I would like a case of beer, please." Grimmjow told him, glaring at Sayzel who was eyeing the candy. If he had any, it would make everyone elses life worse.

"What was that you said?" The man was sure the crazy blue haired guy spoke jibberish.

"I said...I want a case of beer." Grimmjow clarified. "Actually, make that two cases. Everyone will want some."

"What? I still can't understand you." The man behind the desk sighed. "You're talking Gibberish, son."

Oh. Now it made sense. He was speaking Japanese! Grimmjow laughed at himself and glanced at the other three Espadas who were roaminng around the small Gas Station Convenience store.

He hated to do this to them...but he had to use his horrible English voice.

Grimmjow put his right elbow on the counter to lean on it. "Okay. I get it now." The blue haired Espada said in his slick, breathy and horribly dramatic voice. "I want two cases of beer."

"Yea.. You could have just said that. It's over there in the fridge case." The man behind the counter pointed to the right. "Then, come up here and pay."

"That was easier than you made it." Tia noted to Grimmjow as she and the other Espadas made their way back to the apartment building. "I honestly find your stupidity amazing."

"Enough said." Szayel added, glancing at Nntoira and Grimmjow who were walking behind him, carrying the two cases of beer. "And I was-"

"Halt!" A meek voice demanded. "I am Jinsu of... of... halt!"

Szayel and the others turned around to see a small Soul Reaper with brown hair pointing his 'Oh-so-scary' reaping sword at them. Jinsu's hands shaking and he was trying to keep a stern look on his face. "I know you guys aren't human! 'cause you heard me!"

"Duh..." Grimmjow rolled his eyes. Really? Were they really going to be harassed by a low life Soul Reaper at this time of night? "Go home, kid."

"No.. No I won't." Jinsu took a brave step forward. These people were not going to get away from him. "Now... just... come with me and-"

"You don't want to mess with us..." Szayel sang, a sadistic smile creeping onto his face.

"And I don't think you should be picking a fight." Grimmjow noted, tapping the eighth Espada's shoulder. "You really should not attack someone who won't even stand a chance."

"But..." Szayel's smile turned into a scowl. "That is all the fun. To hear your prey scream in agony, begging for mercy... it's like music... addicting music."

"We know." Grimmjow stepped left and lifted his case of beer into the air."But attacking this...Reaper is down right dishonorable."

"Like I care..." Szayel began to reach for his sword and Grimmjow brought the case of beer down on his head.

Tia watched and Nnoitra snickered, watching a silly smile cross Szayel's face before he sunk to his knees, out cold.

"That 'aughta teach him a lesson." Grimmjow announced, giving a small smile to Jinsu who was still no sure what happened or what was going to happen. "For a while." The Sixth Espada added, glancing down at the body at his feet. He was beginning to realizing that no matter how much he tried to persuade people, they were always going to be...stupid.

He turned to the clueless Soul Reaper, "I'm sorry kid. He's kinda..."

"I know..." Jinsu laughed nervously. "Yea.. I get the idea... um... thanks... I guess."

"You're welcome." Gimmjow gestured at Nnoitra to pick Szayel off the ground but the Fifth Espada made no move to do as he was asked. "Any how... We'll be on our way and...just don't get in to any more trouble. Okay?"

"Yea... I mean, yes sir." Jinsu nodded and with a step, disappeared into the night,

"Great..." Tia noted, rolling her eyes. "Gimmjow made a friend... now lets' the the hell home okay?"

"Yeah..." Gimmjow fixed his hair and turned to Nnoitra. "I out rank you. Pick up Szayel."

Nnoitra opened his mouth to say something, but decided not as Tia gave him a cold stare. "Fine, fine... but you'd better make sure I don't starve."

So, after cleaning the street of a knocked out scientist, the three headed home where they found all of the other Espadas asleep in the living room, watching television.

"But..." Gimmjow ginned and reached for the light-switch. "Not for long."


	3. A Problem WIth Light Switches

"Ah!" Starrk screamed as all the lights in the living room flicked on."Turn out the damn lights!"

"Arrhg! My eyes are burning!" Aaroniero yelled, having a glass tank for a head was not helping the glare.

"Yesh!" Yammy growled, covering his eyes. "Turn out the lights!"

Grimmjow laughed, watching all of the other Arrancar complain. It was the small thrills in life that brought him joy.

"Really."

He glanced up to see Ulquiorra's sword pointed at his neck. "Turn off the damn lights."

"Fine, Fine..." Grimmjow reached over and flicked the lights back off.

"Arrg! I can't see!" Starrk yelled.

"I think I found the wall!" Yammy cried.

"No!" Nnoitra screamed, "That's my face!"

"No, wait... not the wall. I think I found the missing couch cushions!"

"Those are not cushions." Ulquiorra noted with a frown. "Turn the lights back on, Grimmjow."

"Yep..." Grimmjow flicked the switch and all the lights in the apartment exploded as the fuse gave out. "And now...our apartment is on fire...and none of us have water powers."


	4. Would Someone Honestly Save Szayel?

Szayel mumbled as he slowly came to. What was going on? It was so dark and cold outside...

_Wait a minute...what am I doing outside?_

_"Ah look, Mr. Nice Guy is waking up."_

_"Hardly the correct name, Nnoitra. But nice try."_

_"Shut up, Mr. Gloomy."_

_"So...we are now the seven dwarves are we?"_

_"Not at all Tia. Nnoitra just has troubles with names and faces. I mean, look at his. Its-Ow! Don't hit your superior!"_

_"Well, its your fault we are out in the cold and snow, Grimmjow!"_

_"I'm not Grimmjow. I am Ulquiorra. My point has been made. What is worse about all of this is that I have to go to work tomorrow."_

_"At McDonalds. Serving...Happy Meals, Mr. Gloomy."_

_"Now that's a sight I have got to see."_

_"Oh, shut up Grimmjow."_

"What is going on and who hit me over the head?" Szayel opened his eyes to see all nine Espadas sitting on the curbside next to where he was laying.

Gimmjow glanced at Tia and began his tale. "Well, Szayel...you were attacked by a..." A what? This story demanded it be a good one... "Ruffian and you kind of owe us your life as we saved you after you fell in the path of a..."

"Bus." Tia finished blankly. If they played their cards right, Nnoitra, her and Grimmjow could stiff Szayel up for a life debt. For life. "And sadly, Nnoitra had to disobey Aizen's orders to stay undercover. He shredded the bus as it came speeding towards Gimmjow and I who were trying desperately to bring you back to life."

Gimmjow tried his best not to make a face at the idea of giving Szayel CPR. "Yeah...that's what happened."

"The Ruffian cracked your skull in half..." Nnoitra added, trying to act like he cared but not wanting to show it. (When in truth he did not want to start laughing his head off. This was the most ridiculous and brilliant story ever created! Them, saving Szayel from a bus? Honestly, the majority would vote to have him run over.)

"Right." Szayel was not sure what was going on here, but he was sure that stupid Soul Reaper was responsible for the damage. "Now help me up, i'm injured."

Grimmjow sighed...

Or their plan could backfire on them and the three of them would be Szayel's nurses for the rest of time.

"I think..." Tia said to the whole group whom Aizen put her in charge of. (She being the most level headed of all the Espadas), "We should split up and try and find a hotel for the night. We will divide into groups and then meet back here in a hour with different price estimates. Now, Ulquorria, Starkk and...you there with the short blond hair go together. Yammy, Aaroniero, Zommari and the King of Death. Grimmjow, Nnoitra...Szayel and I will be the third group. Meet back here in one hour."

* * *

"Wow..." Grimmjow noted, standing on the empty curbside two minutes later. "That really cleared everyone out." He paused and tied the scarf he stole from Zammori around his head. Making it look as if he had a toothache. "There. That should hide the hollow mask. No?

"Yes. It does. And thankfully, now I don't have to worry about having to room with Starkk's annoying other side...what ever her name is." Tia allowed herself a small smile. "Once they all find a place to stay the night, they won't want to return. It's now almost dawn anyhow. Let us go."

Tia turned and made her way down the sidewalk with Grimmjow on her heels; followed by Nnoitra who was forced to help Szayel along.

Twenty minutes later, Tia walked through the automatic doors of a small motel. Leaving her company outside in the freezing downpour that began as a small drizzle five minutes ago.

"Hello, Miss. How may I help you?" The woman behind the Front Desk asked.

Tia pasted a fake smile on her face and walked over. "How much for a room?"

"For how long?"

"A night." Tia replied, watching the lady type numbers into the computer. "And if you can make it a double."

"Sure thing. And that will come to...68 Pounds. Would you like to reserve the room?"

"Yes. Thank you."

" _What the hell took you so long?!_ " A soaking wet Grimmjow demanded as he saw Tia walk triumphantly across the parking lot, back to the three of them. "This hotel is so cheap, it doesn't even have a over hanging to keep the rain away!"

"And what's worse-" Nnoitra coughed, "I think we all are coming down with something. Except Szayel who seems to think he can't get sick."

"It's true!" Szayel argued, pausing to cough as well. "I made a...that." He gave into a coughing fit and the other two followed as if someone yawned.

"You guys are pathetic." Tia sighed, listening to the chours and held up the key. "I got us a room on the second floor."

"Great." Grimmjow added a few minutes of coughing later. "Take us to it then, will you?!"

Tia walked back inside the hotel lobby with her dripping wet and freezing companions and soon she opened the door of room 306.

Sadly the Hotel elevator was out of order as well.


	5. 5. 23, 55, 83, Sixty!

"So…since we decided that Tia gets her own bed and we have to somehow share. Which-"

"I vote Szayel gets the floor." Nnoitra interrupted Grimmjow's train of thought.

"I was getting to that." The Sixth Espada groaned, giving Nnoitra a glare."And which I-"

"I'm injured. You get the floor you one eyed-freak!" Szayel shot back from where he was sitting in the chair by the window. "And-"

"Shut up everyone!" Grimmjow yelled, still amazed at Tia's sleeping skills. At the moment she was fast asleep on her bed as if she was on Mars. She crashed shortly after drying her hair off in the bathroom."Now! We are all cold and tired and I say that we each take showers to warm up. And we will do it by how things are always done in Hueco Mundo. By number. So. Since I am number Six I will go first. Then, Nnoitra and then Szayel."

"Sounds good." Grimmjow's intelligence never stopped amazing Nnoitra whom had to admit he may have a few to many hits on the head in this life.

Grimmjow turned to walk towards the small bathroom in the hotel room when Szayel spoke up. "Wait. You are going in highest to lowest order, Grimmjow. I am the Eighth Espada. I would go first. However, if you are going down in numbers…I'd still be first."

"Yeah." Grimmjow pasted a look of fake surprise on his face. "I was wro…Wait a minute… If we went down in numbers…" He didn't want to say it out loud for fear of Nnoitra realizing he'd be first. "But… why don't I let you go first, Szayel?"

"Sounds like a splendid plan." It was a miracle that Nnoitra never caught on this whole time. Szayel climb out of the chair and snatched the towel out of Grimmjow's arms on his way to the shower. "See you all later and if any of you disturb me, I will kill you."

"Yah…right." Nnoitra muttered, sitting down on the bed to maybe fall asleep just so that no one else had any room and were forced to sleep elsewhere. He reached in the pocket of his pants to clean them out for the night. Counting his inventory was a near ritual; he naturally did. Just to make sure he always had the same trinkets in his pockets and nothing else snuck in.  
Nnoitra was about to lay down a few minutes later when he realized he still had something in his right pocket. He reached in and pulled out a deck of old playing cards. "Oh… I forgot these were here… Oye, Grimmjow. Want to play cards?"

"Sure." Gimmjow sat down on the floor by the bed and Nnoitra joined him. "I have nothing better to do. Want to play hearts?"

"Yea… But how do you play that with two people?"

"I don't know. We could deal Szayel in and you could play his hand until he gets out of the shower."

"Cool." Nnoitra took the deck out of the small box and began to shuffle them. Soon he had three different piles of cards dealt face down on the floor, minus the two of diamonds. "Take one and a moment to sort them how ever you like."  
Grimmjow took the stack closest to him as he knew that it did not matter what hand he had anyhow. He turned over the cards and took a look at what he had.

_Damn it! Four Aces and a bunch of crappy high cards!_

"So…" Grimmjow wondered, not seeing Nnoitra not place any cards down to pass to the left.  
But what should I pass? I think I should try and hold on to the Queen of Spades and-

"I have to two of clubs," Nnoitra announced interrupting Grimmjow's thoughts. "Here."

_And so now I don't have to pass any of my cards because Mr. Spoon-head forgot. Cool._

"I have the three." Grimmjow pulled it out of his hand and placed it in the middle with the two of clubs.

"And amazingly enough, Szayel does not have the four. So he'll play the King of Diamonds and so he can't shoot the moon later."

"Good thinking." Grimmjow smiled after Nnoitra cleared the playing field.

A few minutes later, Nnoitra played the eight of diamonds out of Szayel's hand and Grimmjow followed the the six and after a five was played, he had to comment. "Nnoitra, you don't get the trick. Eight is more than five."

"Right. I…."

Grimmjow watched a shocked look creep onto Nnoitra face.

"Wait a minute!" The Fifth Espada screamed, sending his cards into the air as he stood up.

"I wouldn't do-…that…" Grimmjow put his face in his hands as Nnoitra began to bang furiously on the bathroom door, demanding his turn.

"Let me in, you lying-"

"No!" Szayel yelled back, "Its my turn!"

"No it's not! You cheated me out of mine!" Nnoitra screamed, waking up the people in the rooms around them. "You get out here and-"

"Do you really want me to come out there, complet-"

"No!" Nnoitra yelled back in a hurry, "But get your-"

"Then, let me get this shampoo out of my hair!" Szayel replied while he tried the read the label for the conditioner through fogged up glasses. "And then, you can have a turn… what in the world does this say?"

"I want my turn now, sissy boy!" Nnoitra demanded, not caring if the other Espada had to live with some suds. "I'm giving you one minute to get out before I come in and drag you out!"

"You wouldn't dare!"

"Like hell I would!"

"Fine!" Szayel yelled, rinsing the conditioner out of his hair now, "If that is how you want to play!" He turned the water off and grabbed two towels off the rod. He quickly wrapped up and after a moment's thought, pointed his finger at the closed door where Nnoitra was desperately trying to count to sixty. However, was already failing miserably at 46.

"48, 84, 26!"

Szayel let out a long sigh and looked way up at the ceiling.… the next number was bound to be-

"Sixty!" Nnoitra reached for the door handle and he was thrown backwards as the whole door exploded outwards.

* * *

Author's Note: A real Game of Hearts was dealt for this chapters. Nnoitra really did have these cards. Hehe.


	6. Notra, Grimmmow, Sessel The Chair

"And so…" Szayel calmly walked out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist and on his head. "It seems to be your turn, Nnoitra."

"Why you-"

There was a knock on the door.

Nnoitra, Szayel and Grimmjow shared a look.

With a blast like that, every Soul Reaper in the country would be at their door.

"You deal with it." Nnoitra ordered Szayel who was busy drying his hair with a towel. "I out rank you. Hah! I finally figured it out!"  
Szayel gave Grimmjow a look. Did he really have to answer the door?

"Yea." Grimmjow added, "And that's an order."

A frown pasted itself onto the Eighth Espada's face. "Fine. I'll get it. Move out of the way, Spoon-head." Nnoitra was out of Szayel's way in a flash and the door was open less than ten seconds later.

"Hello?" Szayel asked the woman standing outside in the nicest voice he could fake. "What might bring you here?"

"Hello. I am the Manager of what's left of this hotel." The woman crossed her arms as she continued. "And I am afraid I am going to have to ask you to leave."

"Really?" Szayel was not sure what to say…He'd never been kicked out of anywhere… except his brother's study… but it was his now as his brother was dead. "Don't you think you have another room I could borrow?'

"No."

"Well…Can we leave tomorrow?" Szayel tried his best. Interaction with humans was not his specialty. If anyone, it was Tia's job.

"No. I and the other residents of this hotel would like you all to leave, after you have paid for the damage."

"Why should we?" Szayel was not sure why they would have to do such a thing. "Don't your servants just fix it up?"

The Manager was about to say something when Tia came up behind Szayel and shoved him backwards into the room. Sending him crashing into Grimmjow who also on his way to the door.

"I am sorry about him." Tia apologized with a sweet tone unlike her usually cold and calculating voice. "He was spoiled as a child."

"Hey!" Szayel cried.

"Shut up and let me talk to the nice, Lady." Tia scolded and turned back to the manager. "Of course we will be on our way."

"Well, what I meant to say was," The manager gestured down the hallway where a group of Police Officers waiting.

"You're all under arrest." One of the Police Officers announced.

"Great…I have to share a cell with Spoon-head and Catman." Szayel complained loudly.

"Well, why don't you transform o' winged one and get us out of here?" Grimmjow suggested, fed up with this whole undercover thing. Giving his name to the Police for his record was hard enough.

"Gremlen?" The desk clerk asked, not sure what to make of the odd group brought in on charges of destruction of property.

"No." Grimmjow sighed and repeated himself for the literal tenth time. "Grimmjow. Like…The Grimm Brothers and then… like the sound a cat makes when it yawns and meows at the same time."

"…Ah.. Okay… lets' move on. And what is your name?" The clerk asked the tall black haired man with an eyepatch.

"I'm Nnoitra."

"What? Noika?" What in the world was with these names?!

"No, stupi-" Grimmjow swiftly put his hand over his superior's mouth before he said anything all of them would regret.

"And so…. We are now dubbed Notra, Grimmmow and Sessel for the rest of our prison life." Nnoitra lamented, still mad at Szayel for blasting him and the door. Which was why they were here in the first place. "And it is all Frenchie's fault."

"Is not!" Szayel shot back, "It is yours for interrupting my shower. Now, not only do I have a cold, I have to put up with all of you while Tia over there gets her own prison cell. Hey, how are you liking it over there."

"It's fine, Sessel." Tia replied dully. Not really caring she was in jail. Hey, she had her own cell, what more could she ask for?

"It's not Sessel! I am NOT a chair!"

"Wow… didn't know you knew German." Grimmjow noted, a little surprised.

"Yeah." Nnoitra added, "I don't even do well with my Spanish."

"Well… I learned it from some stupid Quincies ages ago." Szayel yawned a little and finally sat down with the rest of them. "I mean, they all honestly spoke Gibberish German, but since it sounded cool, I went out in search of Hollows from Germany."

"There are Hollows from Germany?" Nnoitra never heard of that.

"Of course, you idiot. Hollows don't just come from Japan, you know. I came from England myself. Which to me, seems rather strange. Don't remember anything else, as my original soul disappeared a long time ago…"

"Neat." Grimmjow laid down on the top bunk and closed his eyes. "I was from Japan…so the language of the Soul Reapers came easily to me… how about you, Nnoitra."

"No idea. I just know it was a pain to learn Spanish, which is all they speak in Hueco Mundo."

"Heh…" Sazyel snickered, "I remember you couldn't pronounce Santa Teresa for the longest time."

"That's not true!"

"Yes it is!"

Grimmjow closed his eyes and tried his best to get some sleep while the 'Old Married Couple' battled it out next to his bunk. If only they would shut up already.

 

* * *

 

Author's Note: The word for Chair in German is in fact: Der Sessel.

10/5/12 - I re-edited this chapter and realized I forgot to point a few interesting things out. The line: "Hello. I am the Manager of what's left of this hotel." That and a few other lines in that exchange are from What's Up Doc with Ryan O'Neil and Barbra Streisand. And Nnoitra make a reference to Grease when he calls Szayel, 'Frenchie' as the character Frenchie has bright pink hair at one point in the movie. (Which make me wonder what in the world Nnoitra watches...That and Funny Girl.)


	7. The End of a Good Cat Nap

_Hey, Grimmjow… are you up?_

_I don't think he is…_

_But his eyes are open._

_Guys, he sleeps with his eyes open…_

_Whatever, Tia. Like we care. Wake up, Grimmjow! We need to talk._

Grimmjow rolled over and blinked a few times. Only to find Szayel and Nnoitra staring directly at him.

"What?" He asked them. "What do you two want?"

"Well, it't about six at night now… You sleep all day long." Szayel began, with a small smile on his face. "I was thinking that maybe we should try and get out of here."

"Here? Jail? Come on guys, it's rather nice don't you think?"

"No. It hardly nice." Szayel grouched, crossing his arms, "I want to get back to my Palace and my current project. Simple Hollows don't live forever you know."

"You're sick.. Anyway…what does Tia say about all this?" Grimmjow was not getting in on any escape plan until he had direct orders from the Third Espada.

"She said go ahead."

"No… I said, lets all talk it over first." She corrected Nnoitra who did a very good job at playing hard of hearing. "Once we are all up, we will discuss it. And since Grimmjow is wake, we can begin our discussion. Now what does he whom just woke up have to say."

"I have to say that this might not be a good idea. As long as we are in here, we don't have to worry about being attacked by a soul reaper… and Mr. Sick-o over here attacking them."

"I do not appreciate the naming, thank you very much." Szayel scowled, "As you don't see the point in attacking Soul Reapers your self. They are far beneath us all. If they didn't exist, the world would be a much better place, no? Do you remember when you were a plain hollow and they would attack you for no reason at all?"

"Of course I do, but their job is not all that horrible. I just did not wish to be forced out of the body I was given."

"Neither did I." Szayel said, "and that is why we must kill them."

"But… On another note," Tia wearily hopped into the conversation. "If they keep cleansing Hollows, there will be none to rival for the title of Espada."

"True…I think you are on to somet-"

All four Espadas let out along sigh as the far wall of the police station was blown to bits.

"Soul Reapers…." Grimmjow muttered, just wanting to get back to sleep, having been up almost three days straight. "Why won't they leave us alone?!"

"Like I care." Nnoitra muttered, still a little sour over the fact the police took his precious sword. His Santa Teresa.

"If any of you lay a hand on them," Tia cut in seeing Nnoitra and Szayel share a glance. "I will make sure you are both demoted."

"Ew…" Nnoitra made a face. If he were demoted, he would have to answer to Grimmow.

"I am so not taking orders from a talking glass tube." Szayel muttered, stealing the bottom bunk before Nnoitra had the chance.

"Why don't we just sit here?" Tia suggested, watching the door from the other side of the room, leading from the main offices, burst open.

"The police will take care of this…Not like they can see them… But…whatever."  
Grimmjow glanced at the three Soul Reapers whom drew their swords to slice through the bars of the jail cells. He glanced at the police who now had their guns drawn and ready to fire. "Wow… Free bodyguards.. I like it."

"And…" Nnoitra yawned, watching what happened next. "Guns beat Soul Reapers."

"Not quite…" Tia observed, watching one of the Soul Reapers climb off the floor, full of bullet holes. "She's gonna level this place if she-"

The Soul Reaper released her sword and the whole police station fell inward.


	8. The Battle of the Old Married Couple

"Why does our residence always get destroyed?" Grimmjow complained as he climbed out of the rubble, unscathed; into the setting sunlight where three Soul Reapers stood in the sky, observing them from afar. "Can I never get any sleep at all?"

"And does that bother you?" Szayel asked, stepping on Nnoitra's head as he climbed out as well. He not sure what in the world Grimmjow was so upset about. He personally would go without sleep if he could, however, like the rest of the worlds; Heuco Mundo had day and night.  
Kind of.

"Yea… a cat needs a good nap everyday." Grimmjow informed the other Arrancars, brushing the dust from his eyes. "And, Miss. Tia, I don't think we can avoid this fight."

She looked up at the overly-determined Soul reapers and sighed. "Fine… I am going to stand here and you three decide who is going to attack. As your current costumes do not allow you to preform Sindo. "

Now Aizen was no blockhead. (Most of the time.) And so he created Whole Costumes that were very similar to the Soul Reapers' Gigas.

(But as they were created in haste for this mission, the costumes were only patched together proto-types.)

The Whole Costumes thankfully did their job and allowed the Espada to be seen and interact with the human world while retaining most of their powers. Of course Resurrections that revealed an Espada's true form and the Grand Rey Cero which was a high level energy blast could not be preformed. Smaller powers such as Balta that Szayel used to blast down the bathroom door, with a flick of a finger, could.

Sindo, the move similar to a Soul Reapers Shinpo, however was a thing only a soul could do. And since the Arrancar were in 'Whole Costumes,' the move would not work. Nor would their Hollow remains be covered, making away to odd dressing styles instead.

"So…" Grimmjow sat down on a pile of bricks, "You two can take care of them as you seemed so eager too. While I take a nap."

"Well then…" Nnoitra turned around and began to dig through the pile of bricks and metal for his trusty sword. "I'll need this…"

"If you three don't mind waiting a moment." Grimmjow said to the Soul Reapers who were all but pleased to do so. "Have you found it yet?"

"Nope…" Nnoitra replied, throwing some glass shards over his shoulder. Where in the world was it? He could not possibly live without his trusted sword!

"Geez." Szayel scoffed at the Fifth Espada's desperate search to find his sword. "Why didn't you just do what I did?"  
Nnoitra stopped digging and glanced over his shoulder at the pink haired Espada, "What did you do, Mr. Smart-ass?"

"Thank you." Szayel smiled a little before he reached down and pulled the sheathe of his sword out of the side of his pant leg.

"Funny as hell!" Nnoitra faked a laugh. What a stupid trick! "Where is the sword?"  
Szayel did not bother to respond.

Instead, he tilted his head back and shoved his outstretched fingers into his mouth. A moment later, a full length sword slid out of Szayel's throat and into existence.

"Wow…" Grimmjow was not sure what just happened.

"Doesn't that hurt?" Nnoitra stared in awe. What kind of crazy trick was that?

"Not in the least. Find your sword, Spoon-head, so we can get this over with."

"Fine!"

Grimmjow coughed as Nnoitra's desperate search for Santa Teresa caused a large cloud of dust and debris. "Hey, hey! Slow down there!"

"Not until I find her!" Nnoitra replied, not caring if Grimmjow coughed up a lung. "She has to be here some-Yes!" He pulled out Santa Teresa triumphantly out from under a piece of wood. "Now we can kick some ass!"

"Hardly kick." Szayel muttered, "poke more like. These is hardly going to be a fight. It's more like flattening a bug. Simple and very satisfying."

"Shall I introduce myself, worthy foe?" The Soul Reaper standing in the middle of the group, inquired. He had chin length sliver hair and a kind smile on his face.

"I suppose." Nnoitra laughed. This was going to be easy. "But in the end it doesn't matter."  
"I am Shuen, an officer of the first company."

"And I," The woman to his left drew her sword, "Am sergeant of the eighth Company. Rinku Inka."

"Prepare to meet your doom!" the third and most buff of the three Soul Reapers declared. Ripping his shirt off as he spoke, "I am Higen Ewari of the seven company Patrol Group!"

Szayel groaned loudly and glanced over his shoulder at Nnoitra who was trying his best not to fall asleep. "Hey, Nnoitra. Give me your scarf."

"Why?" The fifth Espada wondered what in the world he wanted with something so simple.

"I want to use as a blindfold."

"Why?" He took it off and handed it to Szayel who proceeded to fold and tie it over his eyes. "Because, this is going to be too easy."

"Yeah…You're right." Nnoitra sighed and leaned on the simple sword that was currently Santa Theresa. He glanced up at the three Soul Reapers who were ready to make a move, "Don't you three want to just give up and go home?"

"I don't think they do." Szayel noted, hearing nothing in response besides laughter. "But I don't mind crushing butterflies under my feet."

"Oh…" Grimmjow muttered, "How cruel."

"Are you ready to face your doom, Nameless foes?!" Higen Ewari lifted his sword in salute.

"Not quite." Nnoitra said, "I think we should introduce ourselves."

"Demotion…." Tia sang from where she sat a few feet away; warning the two lower ranking Espada.

"I know." Nnoitra shot back. "What do you think I am?! Stupid?"

"A little…" Szayel agreed, a smirk creeping onto his face.

"You shut up, Moth-man!"

"How dare you! I am not a moth!" Szayel screamed back, making Grimmjow wince.

Being a large cat gave him such sensitive ears…

Grimmjow glanced over his shoulder at Tia who was staring aimlessly at the sky. " And before long, The old married couple are at it again…."

"I know…" Tia said, "Just let them at it, will you?"

"Sure…Can I borrow your jacket?"

"Here." Tia took off her sweatshirt to reveal a simple t-shirt underneath, "For a pillow, I assume?"

"Yep." Grimmjow began to roll the sweatshirt up and placed it behind his head. "Let me know what happens…"

"I don't worry, I will." Tia watched him curl up with a content smile on his face before turning her attention back to the fight.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: I really love this chapter. Szayel's reverse sword eating act is my all time favorite! :)


	9. Continues

“You have a pin-sized brain, Szayel!” Nnoitra spat back, still upset about being called a simple cockroach, when in fact, he was a Preying Mantis. “As do all little butterflies!”  
“How dare you!” Sazyel ripped off the blindfold and lashed out with his foot, smashing it into Nnoitra’s shin a second later.“You have no tact!”  
“And that hardly hurt, sissy-“  
A sword collided with his face, not leaving a single mark. “Can’t you see I am in the middle of an argument?! What kind of fighter are you, Soul Reaper?”   
“Hardly one at that.” Szayel noted, swatting away one of the three Soul Reapers that insisted on attacking mid-argument. “On another note, why don’t I just chop you up and put you in a jar?! I hear cockroaches live forever.”  
“Like you could ever do that!” Nnoitra reached a hand out to shove Szayel backwards, but instead found himself soaring into the air. And into the cement a moment later with Szayel staring down at him.   
“One trained in martial Arts should know better than to do that.”  He scolded, “Get up and fight, you noisy creature.”  
“Would you help me up then?” Nnoitra asked nicely, holding out his hand.   
Szayel frowned and crossed his arms, “I am not falling for that trick.”  
“No. For real. You flattened me pretty well.”  
“…Still not falling for it.”  
“Hey!” Grimmjow cried as he woke up from his cat nap, thanks to Rinku sending a explosive kido spell his way. “I’m just a bystander!”  
Tia glanced from him to the two other Espadas who were still trying to argue. But were running out of insults fast. “Your turn, Grimmmow. Go get them and afterwards, I have an idea….What are you waiting for. That is a direct order.”  
“Fine… fine…” Grimmjow stood up and stretched before walking over to the three soul Reapers who were trying desperately to attack Sazyel and Nnoitra as they argued.   
“I said, “ Sazyel began, really starting to hate the annoying feeling of swords hitting him like a bunch of twigs. “I am not falling for you stupid trick. Get yourself out.”  
“You’re the one who put me here!” Nnoitra pointed out. His body was wedged in to the sidewalk so well he couldn’t move. He watched Szayel think for what seemed an eternity before he replied.  
“Okay. I will help you out. But on one condition.”  
“Fine, pin-brain, what is that?”  
“You take back all your insults and apologize. I am a sensitive soul after all.”  
“No freakin’ way!” That was the last thing he’d ever do.   
“Fine.” Szayel turned around and began to walk away. A smile on his face. “Then you’ll be stuck there for… say, ten years.”  
“Hey!” Nnoitra cried, watching the other Espada disappear out of his line of vision. “Come back here, you-“  
Grimmjow’s shoe connected with his face.  
“So…I heard you had an idea.” Szayel said as he walked over to where Tia was reading small booklet she picked up from one of the kiosks on the corner. “What is it?”  
Tia stopped reading and looked up. “Can’t you read? I am looking at Real Estate. We need a place to whole up and shut up for a while.”  
Szayel glanced over his shoulder at the place in the sidewalk where Nnoitra was still cursing loudly under a pile of now dead Soul Reapers. “I agree with that.”  
“ All taken care of. Where are we going to look first?” Grimmjow asked, wiping the blood off his hands on his dark jeans as he came over. “And do we have to share with everyone else?”  
“…No. This would be us four only. The others can fare for themselves.” Tia was not about to let any of the other Espadas in the doorway of her house. “Grimmjow, get Nnoitra out of the ground and we will be on our way.”  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Here are some facts I dug up on Praying Mantid and Butterflies. So the story is correct. Szayel would have a pin-sized brain if he were an actual butterfly. Funny, no?
> 
> And I am going to be playing a lot more with they somewhat animal sides in future. :)
> 
> Please Review, it would be appreciated. Thanks.


	10. A Simple Lunch of Frog Legs

"Don't you three realize I have not had any sleep in the last three days?" Grimmjow pointed out after he walked into a door.

"You did have a good six hours last night." Szayel walked into the elevator after Nnoitra who was having to duck through every doorway he went through.

After they all hid the three Soul Reapers' bodies, Tia made a direct course to the nearest real estate office. Since it was on the tenth floor of the large building they were all to glad to take the working elevator.

"But I'm a cat and I need at least fifteen hours of sleep!" Grimmjow continued to complain to everyone who would hear.

"I understand." Tia said, "I am hungry as well. After this, we can go eat something and while we eat, you can take a nap."

"Good." Just then the elevator gave away a ding and the doors slid open to the tenth floor. Tia stepped out and was followed by her three subordinates down the hallway to office 1037.

"And of course…." Tia sighed seeing the sign on the door. "Out for lunch. Be back at three." She glanced at the watch she took off Starrk's wrist while he was sleeping when they first arrived. "That's two hours from now."

"Let us get something to eat." Grimmjow voted, "So I can get a few winks in without having to settle these twos arguments."

"Agreed." Tia turned and lead her group back to the elevator to head down once more.

"What in the world are you eating?" Szayel made a face at what the waiter set in front of Nnoitra's place. "It looks disgusting. At least I eat more civilized things."

"Have you never tried frog legs?" Nnoitra picked up his fork and began to eat in an odd manner. Not having chopsticks really threw him off. This Western 'Silverware' was difficult to eat with.

"Hell no. That's is, in fact, disgusting." Szayel looked away, he couldn't stand watching such decent research material disappear into Nnoita's mouth.

"And what in the world are you eating?" Nnoitra asked back, watching him reach for the honey that the waiter set on the table a few minutes ago at Szayel's request. The four of them were sitting outside a small cafe in the middle of the town.

"I, in fact am having an English muffin with honey." Szayel announced, happily.

"Or just honey with a little muffin to go with it." Grimmjow muttered, seeing the poor thing being drowned in stickiness. "Now will you to please stop arguing for once and just eat? I need my sleep."

"Whatever." Nnoitra yawned as he put his napkin in his lap. The one thing he learned in Hueco Mundo was, if he was eating with white clothes on, a napkin was best used. (But wasn't needed if he was wearing other colors.) As he had on white pants and a white sweat jacketon, he figured it would be best to adhere to the same rules. "Go sleep in an ally like a cat really would."

"Be kind." Tia muttered, digging into the whole fish on her plate. "He's been up as much as all of us. And as you know, he does need more sleep than the rest of us… but Grimmjow, stop complaining and get some."

"Fine." He sat back in his chair and closed his eyes.  
Szayel and Nnoitra shared a look.

"No doodling." Tia ordered, knowing what they were thinking. "Doodling equals demotion."

"Damn…" Nnoitra scowled, "She's so mean."

"I agree." Szayel picked up the jar of honey and began to just drizzle it onto his spoon. "I cannot believe how tasteless this is…"

"Why are you eating it, then?"

"Because."

"No," Nnoitra corrected himself, "Why are you eating it at all?"

"…I hate to make such a claim, but like you and your frog legs… which I find to be such a waste to research material, I cannot help but be drawn to honey as it is made from nectar."

"Which…butterflies eat." Nnoitra laughed, "So, if we gave Grimmjow a can of Friskies, would he eat it?"

"I suppose." Tia admitted, "Speaking of which, it may be worth a test. I have one in my bag from the apartment." She pulled the tiny can out and set it on the table while Nnoitra and Szayel leaned in to watch the effects.

"Do you think he's gonna pounce?"

"I don't think so, Szayel…" Tia put her slender finger into the small ring on the can and slowly peeled back the metal top. She watched Grimmjow's nose give a small twitch as the heavenly scents of Turkey Feast in Gravy reached him. "Wait for it…." Tia was sure he was going to wake up…"And one… two…"

"Hold up." Nnoitra cut in, sensing something not far off.  
Tia and Sazyel paused. "What is it?"

"The others are here…" Nnoitra glanced around the small outside seating area of the restaurant. "And there is no way I am putting up with the others. You guys are bad enough as it is."

"Thanks…" Szayel rolled his eyes, "Glad to know you think so highly of us."

"No." Tia added, "Really. Let's go." She scooted her chair back and stood up. "You two can wake Grimm-gently!" She snapped, seeing Nnoitra ready to hit him and Szayel about to dump a glass of water over his head.

The two sulked a moment and then poked Grimmjow's face repetitively.

"Oye!" Nnoitra tried his best to whisper, but was sounding more like a whisper coming out of a megaphone. "Wake up, kitty."

"We have Friskies if you obey our orders." Szayel added, hoping that the kitty would not be too upset by this awakening.

"Umm?…" Grimmjow mumbled, his eyes opening a little. "Did someone say Friskies?"

"Yes." Tia said, leaning in next to Nnoitra. "You have to get up as we have to leave. He sensed that the others were around here."  
Grimmjow looked at Nnoitra who was glancing around nervously. "You did?"

"Yeah. We gotta get outta here."

"Which ones?"

"Yammy and the other three. Zommari, Yammy, Aaroniero, and the King of Death."

"Esh….I'm with you. Lets us get out of here. I can't stand them."

"Yes." A look of displeasure crossed Szayel's face. "I cannot stand talking to that stupid glass tube."

"We know." Nnoitra and Tia cut him off before he could go on.

"Lets go…" Grimmjow yawned and got out of his chair. "Where should we go?"

"Somewhere." Tia said, "Now how far away are they, Nnoitra?"

"Um… about a block that way." He pointed to the left towards the gift shop area of the town. That just so happened to be the way they came from the office building.

"As for the check…" Tia reached into her purse while the others where pushing their chairs in. "I have it covered." She set a few pounds on the table and walked swiftly out of the seating area and onto the sidewalk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, Aceidia here. I kind of lack a computer right now, so updates may be a bit spread out. Thanks!


	11. Blockhead-Sama's Broken Watch

"What are we doing here?" Grimmjow asked Tia as he followed her around the small gift shop they found a few blocks away from the cafe.

"I don't know…" Tia replied, picking up a child's place mat with a map on it. "Something told me I should try and figure out how close Japan is from here."

"You're right. That would be a smart idea as Aizen-sama wants us to join him once he gives the signal for us to arrive at that one town or what ever." Grimmjow reached over Tia's shoulder and picked up his own place mat-map. "And we are in Scotland… here and…."  
Nnoitra and Szayel walked in the doorway of the small shop just in time to see Grimmjow fall to the floor in a dead faint.

"What is with him?" Szayel asked, making Tia turn around.

"I think he fainted." She replied, tapping Grimmjow's shoulder with the toe of her shoe.

"Oh, he just looked at this map." Tia handed Nnoitra her map, pointing to their location as she spoke. "See this here is Scotland and-"

"That...that idiot put us in the wrong-Location!"

"No way!" Szayel ripped the map out of his hands. "How the hell are we supposed to get from here to Japan?!"

"I have no clue." Tia was baffled for the first time in her existence. "But I know we only have eight-hundred dollars left from the ten thousand Aizen-Sama gave me to take care of."

"What happened to the other seven thousand?" The two gasped, moving out of the way so Grimmjow could sit up.

"What...happened?" He asked, looking around rather clueless for a moment.

"You fainted." Tia reached and hand down and helped him to his feet. "Japan is not that far away.

"Oh… yeah, sure…" Grimmjow gingerly rubbed the right side of his face, the shock slowly wearing off. "Ow…my head hurts."

"That is what you get when your mask gets slammed into the ground, Grimmjow. Anyhow… I don't know exactly what we should do." Tia sighed. What a mess she was in. What a mess she had to get them out of, more like. The Espada had only been in the World of the Living for a week and more than half the money was gone. "Starrk used it to buy beer this past week. He kept stealing from the stash and as he is my superior, I couldn't reprimand him."

"Damn old man..." Nnoitra grouched, vowing the next time he met up with Starrk, he was in for it.

"You said it," Szayel paused to brush a piece of pink hair behind his ear. "Give him a good kick in the ass will you? I cannot believe he could spend so much money. I hardly ever spend anything unless-"

"It is for a new piece of over-priced technology." Tia poked him in the face as she spoke, "don't think you got away with one thousand two hundred dollars with out me knowing…"

"Well. It was worth it and besides, I reprogramed it to my liking."

"What can you do with it now?" Nnoitra laughed, "Make us dance the tango?'

"No. I reprogrammed it with a Reiatsu tracker and many other programs that will be quite useful to us." Sazyel replied, hating the idea of trying to make them all dance gracefully when the other Espadas had no sense of movement. "Now, Miss. Tia, have you any ideas of what the heck we are supposed to do?!"

"…None at all, besides that we need to somehow make enough money to buy our way to Japan." Tia glanced to her right hearing a loud knocking sound, only to Grimmjow resting his head on the shelf. "Still hurts, huh? Anyhow, I looked at the price of travel in the Real World and we don't even have enough money to send one person to Japan. But the good news is that we have enough money to rent a flat for a month. As for food, we will hopefully have enough for a few meals until we find jobs."

"Jobs?!" Nnoitra screamed in her ear, making her wince. "For how long?! I don't want some dumb-"

"I don't know for how long as I don't know today's date. Just a moment." Tia left the three others and went over to the clerk behind the gift shop counter. "Hello sir, what day is it?" She asked in English, cringing as the sound echoed in her ears.

"Uh…" The gentleman glanced at his wrist watch, "April thirteenth."

"Thank you sir….and…What year?" Tia figured it didn't hurt to ask; it would give her a clear time frame.

"Um… it is two-thousand and nine."

"You mean, two-thousand and ten…right?" Tia corrected him.

"Nope… Two-thousand and nine."

"What?!" She screamed, making everyone else in the store freeze for a moment. "Two…Thank you sir. I'll will see you around." Tia Harribel bowed and quickly made her way back to Sazyel, Grimmjow and Nnoitra who were now arguing.

"No, no… I don't think that's even possible."

"But it is!" Grimmjow complained, having done it himself.

"I'm with Szayel here." Nnoitra leaned his back to the wall behind him. "No one can finish a five thousand piece jigsaw puzzle in one hour. It's just not done."

"Yes it is, and once we get back, I'll prove it!"

"So…" A smile crept onto Szayel's face, "You can't possibly do it in your Whole Costume. And so, it is not… Humanly possible."

"Seesh…Shut up you two… you're making my head hurt more."

Before Nnoitra and Szayel could razz him any farther, Tia returned, much to Grimmjow's relief. "Did I seriously hear you almost scream?"

"Yes… men, I have some unfortunate news. I think you should all sit down."

No one moved.

"That's an order!" Tia snapped and a second later the three other Espadas were sitting at her feet. Grimmjow was playing cat's cradle with Nnoitra and Szayel was looking at the her through a miniature telescope.

"No!" Tia snapped, "Seriously. Put down the toys and listen the hell up!"

"Yes sir!" The three saluted and fell silent.

"Good. Now, I have just learned some good news and some bad news. Good news is… we arrived here a good while before we need to get to Japan. Bad news is… Aizen-sama sent us here a whole year behind. But, that gives us time to make enough money to get to where we need to be."

Tia watched Grimmjow raise his hand in the air.

"Yes? What is it?"

"Permission to speak, sir?"

"Granted."

"That is good news… but what in the world can the four of us do for money? I mean… there is no way I am working at McDonalds like Mr. Gloomy and second off, how are we supposed to…blend in?"

"We won't. As you and I, Grimmjow have no possible way to keep fully undercover. Where as…" She gave a look at a pair of devastated Arrancar, "They do. Now. Tell me what talents you have, Nnoitra."

"Excuse me…" Szayel cut in, kind of taking note of what Tia wasn't.

"What is it?"

"Don't you think that we should not hold a meeting in a middle of a gift shop where…" He glanced to his left where a bunch of angry tourists were staring at the four odd people hanging out, talking.

"I suppose so." Tia gave a gesture and the four of them headed outside to the street corner where they could talk in peace. "Now, we must get you two into the work force so we can make money."

"And what?" Nnoitra was anything but pleased, "You two are going to sit on your-"

"No. We are going to manage the house hold and the money. Now tell me, would you two rather be out and about or at home cleaning and cooking?"

"Work!" the two yelled, realizing they were going to be having it easy.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Oh yeah...he did! We get a whole Year of these Espadas in the World of the Living. Thank you so much my readers for following along with this story. It makes my day and hopefully this story makes yours as well. Next chapter we begin the Great Job Search!


	12. Sleep, Finally

The Radio Manager stared across the desk at the interviewee. "And… what is your name again?"

The man with the long black hair looked up at the ceiling. "…The…"

"I am very sorry, I can't hear you."

"Theresa! My name is Theresa! My mother was a dumb-"

"I get the idea. Looking from your resume here…" The Manager glanced at the piece on his desk. "You have had plenty of experience of broadcasting."

"Yes," 'Theresa' lied, having only used the P.A. System of Heuco Mundo to yell at Neliel and the other Espadas.

* * *

"And you want to audition for Hamlet?" The director was not sure where in the world this overly attractive man with pink hair came from or where in he had been hiding for years.

"Of course."

"And your name is?"

"Romeo."

"No, this is Hamlet." On second thought, this actor was not so bright.

* * *

Tia set down the bag of groceries on the counter that she and Grimmjow bought for the next few days. "I am so glad we found an studio apartment for five hundred a month."

"Me too." Grimmjow opened the tiny fridge in the corner of the room. It was the only piece of furniture left by the previous renters and he could see why. Inside, the fridge was almost as warm as the room and the door did not close all the way.

None the less, Grimmjow was glad they had the little thing. "What should we do now? Wait for Szayel and Nnoitra to get back?"

"I suppose so…" Tia put a small container of yogurt in the fridge before folding the paper bag.

"Great." Grimmjow laid down on the floor where the sun was casting a pool of light and curled up for a nap. "Ah… nice."

"Don't get sun burned." Tia yawned and took her sweatshirt and curled up on the shade at the other side of the room. "Wake me up when they get back.'

"I don't think that I'll have to do that. They'll do it themselves."

"True…" Tia muttered, closing her eyes.

And soon the two of them were so fast asleep, they did not even hear the others return hours later.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: This is a rather short chapter. The next one will be longer. :) Hey, they finally got to sleep. Yaya!
> 
> Review please.
> 
> Thanks.


	13. Thou Shalt Not Destroy The Apartment

Szayel rolled his eyes as one of the other actors called for a line; again. Midway through a scene that was only five pages long.

"Director!" The Actor playing Hamlet yelled from the stage were the other actors were rehearsing. "Can you please, tell him to stop that? I cannot act while I am being the one receiving angry vibes from my fellow actors!"

"I can see everything that goes on…" Omar sighed from his seat in the audience. "Romeo, don't aggravate Ned. This is only the third day to rehearsal. Is that understood?'

"All right…" Szayel put a sweet smile on his face. "I am sorry. I am just a perfectionist."

"Thank you… go on Ned. The line is, O good Horatio, I'll take the ghost's word for a thousand pound. Didst perceive?"

"Oh, yes." Ned chuckled and repeated the line.

"Very well, my lord." Szayel added from the end of the semi-circle of chairs where he was sitting.

Ned flipped the page of his script he held, "Upon the talk of Poisoning?"

"I very well note him."

And so Act Three, Scene two - A hall in the Castle in went on without a hitch.

* * *

On his way back to the apartment after rehearsal that evening, Szayel was walking down the sidewalks in the suburban area of Scotland. As he stood on the sidewalk, waiting to cross the street, a car pulled up with the radio blasting.

"And now, we bring you the newest celebrity gossip."

"Of course we do, Marcy. Every hour, to keep you little folks to date on the latest news."

Szayel put his thoughts on pause. He knew that voice….

"First. Over in Piccadilly, the man who won the recent pie eating contest has now decided to start his own bakery. Now, here is where it get's strange. It's not just an ordinary-"

"Nnoitra?!" Szayel not believe the idiot who decided to give Hueco Mundo's foulest mouth a country wide microphone. "What the hell are you doing on the-"

The light in the intersection turned green and before Szayel could move, the car with the radio drove off.

"What the- You get back here!" He screamed as the car turned out of sight to his right. "Great…What a great day this is… First, the stupid director tells me to dye my beautiful hair black and now Spoon head is on the radio. What next? The talking glass tube teaching swimming lessons?"

(At that moment, somewhere else in Scotland.)

"And now. Spread your arms out like this…" Aaroniero instructed, demonstrating for his students. The face of his Whole Costume permanently took the look of Kaien Shiba, making it possible for him to hide under full cover. "And then… gently stroke… One and two, and…Very good!"

(And now, back to Szayel who is still ranting. Thankfully, we cut away in time to keep from censoring this program. Thank you.)

"And of course, Tia make me be a damn actor!" Szayel grouched as he shuffled down the street in a huff. "And what will Grimmjow and she do? Nothing. Just because their hollow masks are on their frickin' faces! Hey, what the hell are these glasses, thank you. Do you know what kind of pain it is to try and go to sleep with glasses on your face? Goddamn it!"

He turned corner after corner and soon he walked up the steps to their small studio where the smell of food was wafting into the hallway.

"But…on second thought…" Szayel took his keys out of his pocket and unlocked the door. "Coming home to-"

"Hey." Nnoitra asked from where he was sitting on the small couch Tia picked off the sidewalk. "What the hell took you so long to get home."

"Never mind." Szayel gently adjusted his glasses as he walked in, shutting the door in his wake. "More like, what dumb-ass gave you a microphone? What the hell were you doing on the radio?!"

"It's my job, pin-brain."

"Don't you two start!" Tia snapped, walking in between the two of them.

"Why not?" Nnoitra took a step forwards.

"Yes, he started it." Szayel cared to inform her, doing the same.

"Because, you will destroy this place and we won't have any place to sleep, eat or live. And we don't have any more money. So. In short. Begin fighting inside will only get you demoted. Or worse. Depending on my mood at the time I talk with Aizen-sama."

Nnoitra and Szayel shared a long glare.

"Fine…" Szayel sighed and stepped back. "I will not fight you inside."

"So…will I." Nnoitra agreed.

"So, we'll take this outside!" Szayel reached over and grabbed a piece Nnoitra's long hair and began to drag him out the door.

Tia watched them disappear and Grimmjow who was trying to make an old lamp work, winced as he heard Nnoitra being dragged down the steps. "Ouch."


	14. If I Kiss You, Will You Shut Up?

"What are you gonna do, you Pink-haired Punk? Beat me up?" Nnoitra laughed, staring at the sword Szayel had in his hands. "Like that will ever happen. You and I are three whole numbers ap-"

"Two." Szayel corrected, holding up his left hand. "Five. Six. Seven. Eight. There are two numbers-"

"Whatever! Stop being so damn smart, okay?!" Nnoitra could care less about the actual math. All he wanted to do was grind Szayel's face into the cement to get him to finally shut up. "I know one thing, I am so much more powerful than you."

"Right…" Szayel smiled a little. In the Whole Costumes, Nnoitra could not call on Santa Theresa or could he move as fast. Even though the same went for him, Szayel was more naturally agile. "Not in your current state, no. Remember how I sent you in the sidewalk a few weeks ago?"

"Yea. I do. And now it's pay back time!" Nnoitra lifted his sword into the air and ran at Szayel who stepped aside at the last second. "Stop avoiding me!"

"It's not really that hard to hit me, being two whole numbers higher. You are just too tall for your own good. As I am far shorter than you, I can easily duck and move away." Szayel said as he continually did so. "And yes, I am going to beat you up here, once you give up. I am just waiting for a perfect moment."

"You stupid. Little." Nnoitra continued to hack away, but his blade only connected with air. "Butterfly. Let. Me. Slice. You. Up!"

"Thank you." Szayel grinned as he moved to the right. "It seems to me that you are in fact a cockroach. Rather bumbling and-"

Nnoitra grabbed Szayel by the collar of his shirt and lifted him off his feet. "Would you just. Shut. Up?"

"And what of my talking annoys you?" Szayel inquired, not caring that his feet were no longer touching the ground. "To be honest, my voice is rather pleas-"

Nnoitra leaned forward and kissed Sazyel on the lips.

And a hand connected with his face.

"What the heck are you trying to do?" Szayel demanded to know, "Trying to shut me up? It's not going to work. I am going to talk as much I want while I-"

"If I don't kiss you, then, will you shut up?" A voice asked.

Szayel and Nnoitra slowly looked to the left to see Grimmjow hanging out by the door leading inside the apartment building.

"For your information," Szayel continued, "It will not work. And now." He turned his attention back to Nnoitra who was grinning at him. "Put me down and get ready to battle it out once and for all!"

"Great!" Nnoitra let go of his shirt and Szayel landed gracefully on his feet.

"No, no." Grimmjow sighed and stepped in between them yet again. Risking life and limb to keep Tia happy. "Don't battle it out now. Why don't we, you know, wait until we get home where-"

"No way." Szayel was going to beat Nnoitra up. Here and now. "Because if I wait, I won't stand a chance and that is hardly fair, no?"

"I know… But really, you two. Fighting with swords in broad daylight is only bound to land you two in a jail cell. Together." Grimmjow added after a pause, hoping the two would think this fight over. "And we don't have enough money to bail you out."

"…Fine.." Nnoitra agreed, rubbing the side of his face with a bright red hand print on it. "Put away your sword for now, you pink-haired punk."

"Only if you agree to fight me fairly."

"Right… not. You fight dirty and you know it." Nnoitra was not about to be come a doll for Szayel to smash all it's insides with a hammer.

"How about this… then?" Szayel began, thinking it through quickly, "we fight without releasing our swords. Then, it is a far more even fight."

"…All right." Nnoitra agreed, feeling a twinge of regret over the deal. "But I will still beat you into a mess of pink goo."

"What is it you and my pink hair? Envious?" Szayel asked, giving his head a small toss.

"No way. I just think it looks ug-"

An angry foot connected Nnoitra's shin, causing him to fall to the ground.

"What in hell was that for?!" He yelled, injured enough already.

"How dare you call my hair ugly when yours looks girly!" Szayel demanded.

"In what way?!"

"Shut up!" Grimmjow screamed, shoving the two of them away from one another, sending the two flying. "And both of you do not talk to one another ever again until you can talk without fighting. That's an order from Tia!"

"Right…" Szayel muttered, slowly climbing off the ground. "Why don't you just go back upstairs little Kitty-Cat and let us settle this."

"Yeah." Nnoitra scoffed as he stood up again. "Until you get a written document from Tia, go away. That's an order Number Six, from me. Number Five."

"Damn…." Grimmjow cursed, turning around to run back into the building. Halfway up the ten flights of stairs, he stopped, rather winded. "He figured it out… how?…I know one… thing… these Whole Costumes are a real pain…" Grimmjow took a deep breath and continued up the steps in a hurry. If he didn't get an actual note from Tia, the whole neighborhood could go down and he'd have no where to nap.

He finally reached the apartment door and burst inside. "Tia! You have to give me a paper with orders for them to stop. Nnoitra figured out his actual rank and now he won't listen to me and Szayel is being a pain in th-"

"I got the point." Tia grabbed Grimmjow's hand and began to write on it. "Sorry, I have no paper. This will have to do. Now… I order you two to stop fighting and come back upstairs for a quite dinner. Espada 3. Go. now."

"Okay! Sorry about this!" Grimmjow ran over to the nearest window and a second later, jumped out of it. Hoping that like a cat, he'd land on his feet.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: The good ol' married couple are at it again... Heh. It's so fun to watch them fight. And I cannot wait to see them battle it out in Hueco Mundo. But in the mean time, thank goodness for the use of Grimmjow's hand. I hope he does land on his feet.. but... I don't know.
> 
> As for the kiss, I am glad I didn't keep you (Or myself) waiting forever. Heh. With this much tension through the previous chapters, there was no way I was going to withhold any kisses. (I never do. So stick around as I feel another kiss in the future.)


	15. Grimmjow, The Handnote Messenger

"And of course not…" Grimmjow groaned as he climbed off the sidewalk, a little worse for wear, but alive. He began to limp towards the front of building, assessing that one of his bones in his right leg was surely broken and one of his ribs was cracked.

Not bad for falling six stories into a pile of old card board boxes.

He limped around the corner of the building in time to see Sazyel hit Nnoira's head with a trash can lid. Where he got it, Grimmjow had no clue as there were no trash cans around… but that wasn't why he was here.

"Hey…Hey…" Grimmjow's voice was not be heard over Nnoitra defending himself with an old paintbrush. "Hey!"

The two stopped and looked at him.

"What?" Nnoitra asked, wondering if the little Espada was back to annoy him farther.

Grimmjow held out his left hand, "Here. Message from Tia. It says…" he squinted to make out the little letters under the new layer of dust, "I…I order you to stop fighting and come up for a…a.. quite dinner. Espada Three."

And that did the trick. Nnoitra sighed and Szayel dropped the trash can lid on the ground.

"Fine. Coming upstairs." Szayel grouched, glaring at Nnoitra who had the nerve to kiss him. "This isn't over, you know."

"You talk too much." Nnoitra hobbled behind him up the front steps, both of their swords in his hands.

"Shut up you two." Grimmjow snapped, starting to get a headache again from the whole mess. He led them back up the six flights of steps and to the open apartment door. "Tia, we're back…"

"Good." She said from where she was sitting on the couch, drinking the soup she made. "Sit down and eat. Quietly."

And much to her pleasure, they did as they were told. So, Tia Harribel had a nice, silent evening.


	16. Hairball Coffee

The next morning was not so pleasant. Tia was awoken by Grimmjow arguing with Nnoitra who was trying to make him brew coffee.

"I don't even know how to make coffee!" Grimmjow really wished the Fifth Esapada still thought he was the seventh. "And if you know how to, why in the world are you making me do it?"

"Because he can…" Szayel said from where he was sitting in his corner of the studio apartment, reading his script.

"Exactly!" Nnoitra shoved the small bag of coffee into Grimmjow's hands. "Read the directions underling and get brewing. I can't wait around for ever for a cup of joe."

"Then why don't you make it?!" Grimmjow insisted, looking at the directions on the back, all written in English. "How am I supposed to read this?"

"Learn, you-"

"Do I really have to tie you in a corner?"

Nnoitra glanced to the right to see Tia standing there with a displeased look her face. "Don't make me do it." She added, gesturing to her sword that leaning on the wall by the door. "Make your own damn coffee while I send Grimmjow on an errand."

"You're such a stupi-"

"Don't make me add a hand print to the other side of your face." Tia threatened, not wanting to hear Nnoitra's degrading comments. "Go sit in your corner and stay there until you have to leave for work."

"Oye, I have to leave now. That's why I'm getting this hairball to make me coffee."

"Then leave now and get out of this apartment before I personally throw you out of the window." Tia was not going to put up with any more arguing. Ever.

She watched Nnoitra grouch and after a second though, walked out of the apartment before he said anything more.

"Are you sure this is going to work?" Starrk asked Uquiorra as the two of the stood behind the window of the McDonald's drive-thru. Dressed for the job and waiting out a slow hour after the morning rush.

"If it would not work," Ulquiorra turned a few dials on the oven where some of the food was baking. "Why would I be taking action on the idea?"

"Because…" Starrk yawned loudly, inhaling some fries as he did so. "You just wanna."

"That is irrelevant." Came the reply. "Get back to work."

"But I don't like work."

"Then, go home."

"Cool." Starrk took his red visor off and walked out the back door before Ulquiorra could protest.

"And so," Marcy leaned in towards the microphone as she spoke of the newest story in the news. "It seems like the crash was caused by someone's tire blowing out. What, did they put too much air in the tire?"

She paused for a moment, hearing no laughter or comment. Marcy glanced to her left to see Theresa slouching in his seat. A scowl pasted across his already sharp features.

Marcy switched off her microphone after signing off for the advertisement section of the hour. "Um… Theresa, what's up? You came in all gloomy today and have hardly said anything."

"Yeah. So?"

"I was just wondering what was up."

"Well… I hate my stupid roomies to begin with." Nnoitra leaned back in his chair to stare at the ceiling, "And I am getting tired of being bossed around."

"Oh… Really?" Marcy did not think he was the kind of man who would be easily pushed around. Given his personality. "By all of them?"

"Kinda. It's complicated. It's not a big deal, I just kind of want to flatten their faces into the floor, you know."

"Yeah… I live with my brother at the moment and sometimes he really ticks me of."

"Maybe we should start a rebellion or something."

"I don't think we should." Marcy laughed at his idea as she glanced at the time left on the computer screen. "The ads are almost over. So, you ready to take the first lines?'

"Sure… Too bad I can't cuss on this radio."

"What, Theresa?" Marcy ran the line through her head again. "What did you just say?"

Nnoitra sat up in his chair, "I just said, too bad I can't cuss on this radio. That's all."

"You said, this radio." Marcy pointed out, "you can't cuss on any radio anywhere in the world! What did you say?!"  
"Nothing. Just that a chick I knew once, Neliel, was a *****."

"You can't say ***** on the air!"

"Well, it wasn't in the rule book I had." Nnoirta grouched, not sure what Marcy's problem with a few cusses. "I said much worse than that before… I mean, half of the people I worked with were all ******** and ****** then ******** but mostly *****."

Marcy stared at Theresa in shock. "How could you get away with saying those words?!" She reached over and pressed the repeat button on the computer so the ads would play once again. "Teach me your tricks!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: We will see more of Ulquiorra's party and the other group consisting of Yammy, Aaroniero and Baraggan. As they are all important. So hang in there, fans!
> 
> And yes, the Star Swearing is actual *'s for a comedic turn.


	17. Playing Human Is A Pain

"And why do I have to rehearse around these set builders?" Szayel asked Omar that evening. As they were in a professional troupe, the set was already being built for next week's opening. The whole rehearsal process from first reading to opening, taking no more than two weeks."How am I supposed to act, Omar?"

"I have to agree." Ned added from the other side of the stage where he was trying to read his script while some idiot drilled screws into a beam of wood. "If we are going to get through this dramatic scene, we need silence to let the creativeness flow."

Omar closed his script book and looked up at the two actors on the stage. "I understand. How about we take five and let the set builders finish their work."

"Sounds good." Ned walked across the stage over to Szayel who was messing with his hair he now loathed with a passion. "I was wondering how you wanted to play this, Romeo."

"What?" Szayel stopped fussing and turned to Ned. "What did you want?"

"I wanted to know how you wanted to play this scene in the castle."

"All the scenes are in the castle as far as I know." Szayel replied, having a little trouble figuring out the exact setting of some scenes. "Go on, speak away…."

It was such a pain to have to play human…

He had to be nice to everyone. Which was a real pain in-

"This scene is in a Churchyard actually." Ned pointed to the type on the top of the page. "Your script should have the-" He moved out of the way of a passing by beam. "It should have a location at the beginning of each scene."

"Yes." Szayel glanced at the page number and opened his own script to the same. Forgetting the tragedy of his hair for a brief moment. "I think maybe you should tone this line down here… but maybe, bring it back up for here… Just remember it's like you're talking. Not like you're acting. That's how Shakespeare should be done. In my option any-"

"Coming through!"

Szayel moved down stage a few steps to make way for a metal pole to pass by. "In my option anyhow. We shouldn't ham it up so horribly.

What if they took the way we spoke today and acted it out like it was some epic?"

"Heh." Ned snickered, the mental image crossing his mind. "Yea. You're right. How about here? What do you think we should try? I think your line after mine, you should try and sound a little more concerned. Right now you are just kind of…"

"I know. I just haven't got the right tone of voice down. But, yes. You should bring this line down again."

"Great… Great…"

Szayel watched Ned gently mark his script with a pencil from his pocket. "You know this really helps, don't you, Romeo?"

"Yes, I am aware of su-"

The world flickered back to life.

And much to his relief, Szayel found himself still standing. "And so I was-"

"You okay?" Ned cut in before he could go on. "You were hit on the side of the head pretty well, a second ago."

"Yes, I'm fine." Szayel replied with a smile. Even though he was seeing double and feeling like falling over. "If you don't mind, I'm going to go make sure there isn't a dent in my head."

"All right… but… don't you thi-" Ned froze as a scary pair of yellow eyes glared at him as Romeo walked off stage. On second thought… he had to admit to himself, his fellow actor was kind of creepy.

* * *

"What kind of idiots do those set builders think they are?!" Szayel pulled his black hair out of the way so he could get a better view of his glasses. "Slamming a piece of wood into my mask…If I wasn't undercover, I would crush their organs into dust, one at a time… I think I'd start with their little brains. Oh, wait. No. They don't have any. How could I forget?!"

He leaned in towards the mirror and as he thought, no cracks in the side piece.

"Of course it would take a lot more to break them, but…With this costume, no chances should be taken." Szayel muttered, checking the other side and the front as well. "And now, I have a horrible pain in my head and there is no-"

The door to the Men's Washroom opened and Ned peeked in. "Omar wants to know if you're okay. And he wants me also to let you know, he wants us to get back to rehearsal. If you're okay that is."

"I am fine." Szayel let his hair fall back in place to cover where his glasses fused with this skull.  _It is just a small injury… goodness knows I've had worse._

"Great." Ned made a strange gesture with his fingers that caused only his thumb to stick up in the air. "See you in a sec."

A _nd the real world just became stranger…_ Szayel double checked his glasses one more time before heading back to the stage where Christie was practicing her lines.

"Hold up, Christie." Omar bent down and checked his script. "That's Ophelia Line. You're Queen Gertrude's Understudy."

"I know… but she's not here right now. She had to go home to check on her kids, remember?"

"Yes I do. Would you pleas go sit down."

Christie frowned and returned to her seat in the audience where the other actors were waiting for their scenes.

"We good now?" Omar asked Romeo who was walking to back on stage to continue the scene.

"Yes." Szayel opened his script to the bookmark and was about to read when he heard, "If you could take off your glasses for the actual show, as we are doing period costumes."

Szayel looked up, not sure if he heard that right. "What?"

"The glasses." Omar repeated himself. "I would like them to come off for the actual show."

"…Well…" For once, Heuco Mundo's brilliant Scientist had no clue what to say. "Well…"

"Is that a problem for some reason?" Omar asked, wondering if his actor was legally blind and just neglected to inform on the matter. "Could you possibly wear contact lenses?"

And where is a soul Reaper to blow up this theatre when you need one? Sazyel glanced around, hoping. Just hoping for once that a Soul Reaper would show up….

None came, however.

Leaving him with two problems he had to work out in the next few seconds before anyone noticed he was hesitant. First was the fact that his glasses would not come off. Being what remained of his former Hollow Mask. Second, it would be detrimental to his cover if he could not take them off.

"Of course." Szayel replied with only a moment's pause. Between opening and the current rehearsal, he had a good three days to figure out what to do about this sudden problem.

"Thank you, Romeo. Begin the scene from the top."


	18. The Adventures of Aaroniero and Yammy

"Where is Zommari?" Aaroniero asked Yammy as he returned to the hotel room they stole from an unsuspecting rich couple. Who thankfully left a gold bracelet on the nightstand.

"No clue. He went out with the old dude, what's his name. I don' know where they went, but… I "

"If you remember, let me know. Shall we watch television then?"

"Yeah, don't wanna miss the late show with Craig." Yammy reached for the remote and turned on the television. Leaving Aaroniero to wonder where in the world the other two Espadas could be at Eleven o'clock at night. "But if you want to go look for them, you can."

"I guess I should… the two being immature at that." Aaroniero stood up and headed for the door. "Yammy, come. Craig is on every night. Besides, you don't want to watch that blond star make a fool of herself."

"Ah, I guess you're right." Yammy yawed, half asleep anyhow and picked up his large scarf he wore around his face. "We should leave now."

He's muffled voice said a minute later after he hid his hollow mask well as possible. "But where should we look first?"

Aaroniero shrugged and quietly made his way outside to the parking lot of the hotel. "Do you know what they like to do?"

"No clue. Never hung with them. Zommari likes love though. Or, Amore, should I say."

"That is not a very good start. Considering the places that we may have to dig through. How about Barraggan?"

"No idea…Go watch Craig!" Yammy was going to give up already. Two espadas could find their way home on their own.

"I don't want to watch Craig!" Aaroniero had enough of this silly show to last him a century. "I want to go find Barraggan and Zommari for who knows what kind of trouble they are are getting themselves into!"

"Go. Watch. Craig!"

"I said no!" Aaroniero turned to stare up at Yammy who was glaring down at him. "We have to-"

"I'm in charge!"

"No, you aren't! I'm the ninth and you are- Wait! What are you doing taking your shirt off?!"

Yammy grinned and turned around so Aaroniero could see the tattooed 0 on his left shoulder. "We go watch Craig instead.'

"No, no…" Aaroniero could not believe that Yammy was such a blockhead. "I'm nine and you're null. Nine is more than Null….No? What you do you mean?"

"Null is less than one. The Espadas are not one to ten. Null to Nine!"

Yammy smiled as he watched a look of horror and disgust cross Aaroniero's face.

"No! No! No! This can't be right, Aizen-Sama! Don't make me answer to the bossy pink-haired freak AND this thing! No! Save me!"

"We go watch Craig!" Yammy grabbed the ninth Espada by the back of his shirt and began to drag him back inside. Still screaming at Aizen as if he would hear the pleas from earth.

"Please! No! That's it! Once I get back, I'm quitting! You can find yourself another underling to answer to every other Espada! We're are so gone and-"

"Shh!" Yammy snapped as he fished the hotel key out of his pocket, "Everyone else is sleeping…while we watch Craig!"

"NO! No! No! I won-"

Yammy shut the door of the hotel room, hopefully saving everyone else from being awoken.

* * *

They had even everything and everyone in the entire building. And they were still hyped.  
Barraggan grinned a toothy smile at Zommari who was wearing a mask he bought not to long ago. "Are you Comic-con'd out yet?"

"Nope!" He reached up an adjusted the Yoda mask. "Wanna go get another autograph?"

"Sure! How much money do we have left from that gold bracelet?"

"Ten bucks."

"Awesome! Let's go find someone who will give us a ten buck autograph. I'm sure we can find some around here."  
Hours ago, Aaroniero (who thought he was in charge) sent Baraggan and Zommari out on an errand. What they were supposed to get, they forgot the moment they saw the sign for the Scotland Comic Convention. And of course, once they came to check it out, they stayed.

"Or do you wanna go get some booze?" Baraggan asked, rethinking the use of the last ten dollars.

"Good idea!" So, Zommari and Baraggan skipped off to the nearest bar, hoping that Aaroniero was not out looking for them. "For he would so kill us if he found is here.."

"Don't sweat It, you whippersnapper." Baraggan sat down at the bar, "I'm the second, he's the ninth. Even that weird…who ever he/she/it is could beat him up. Never could tell with the hair….or the voice."

Zommari thought it over for a moment, "I don't know…now that you say that… Two beers please!"

"Yes sirs!" The bartender smiled and soon placed two beers on the counter. "And here you go!"

"And here is to, fun!" Baraggan announced, raising his beer mug in the air. "Because we ain't gonna have any, if we ain't broke!" 


	19. An Evening of Bad News

Szayel sighed as he walked down the dimly lit streets as the rehearsal did not come to a close until one in the morning. The main cause of the long night was the fact that Christie tried her best to fill in for Ophelia and it did not go over well with Omar who was already at the end of his leash.

But that was the least of Szayel's troubles.

What was more pressing for the last six hours were his glasses.

_Note: one flaw in Aizen's Whole Costumes. I cannot break my glasses off my face as it would be far too painful, even for myself. And I cannot hide them without wearing a hat. Which, the director told me I would not be wearing…._  
Szayel stopped at the corner briefly before walking across the dead intersection.  _And of course this is all Miss. Tia's fault and when I get back to the Flat, as they call it around this area, I am going to have to yell at-_

"Watch where you're walking, pin-brain."

_Great… Nnoitra. Go away, will you?_

"Wow… You aren't screaming your head off." Nnoitra observed, watching Szayel walk right past him. Completely ignoring the direct insult.

"What's wrong with you? Learn you could fly and crashed into a car?"

"Hardly." Szayel muttered, not wanting to put up with his stupid comments. "And you? Did you learn how to crawl up a wall?"

"Nah. Decided it was too difficult. Oye, where do you think you are going? The apartment is the other direction, dumb-"

"I am going to go find something to punch." Szayel replied, really wanting to add another mark to Nnoitra's face. However, refrained himself with a reminder of Tia's direct orders. (Via Grimmjow's hand.) "Which, I feel would best be found at the Gym I saw a few blocks west of here."

"Why? I mean, acting can't be hard enough and besides…I'm in a worse crunch than you are." Nnoitra pointed out with a sneer. "And I'll have to tell-"

"I bet you are not and that you are lying." Szayel was not going to adhere by Miss. Tia's orders much longer if spoon head here kept on talking.

"Nah… What's worse than being fired?"

"Really? Are you that daft? You were only there two weeks."

"I know…" Nnoitra laughed at himself, "Tea-pot's gonna blow her top. And having to tell her has to be worse that your stupid problem."

"No, it is along the same lines…Now that I reflect on it. The director wishes for me to remove my glasses for the run of the show."

"Uh…" Nnoitra stared at him for a moment, "Isn't that impossible?"

"Yes. And so, I will be out of a job and blow my cover if we do not come up with a quick plan that is hopefully painless."

"Oye, that is a problem. I have to get the guts up to go home and get my ass kicked by a woman."

"You are so sexist aren't you?" Szayel observed. "I honestly would not care what the gender was, I would only care that my ass was being kicked, which it hasn't for along time, thankfully."

"Yeah. Whatever. See ya 'round." Nnoitra turned and walked off, leaving Szayel to continue on his way.

 


	20. Hat, Clogs and Dangerous Fans

"Well, this is a dilemma." Tia announced after hearing the latest news. "Since Nnoitra is out of a job, we kind of have to rely on you, Szayel. Which-"

"I don't like to do." Grimmjow said from the couch, where he was lounging. Grateful that his injuries from jumping out the window were finally healed. "But we have to."

"I was speaking!" Tia snapped, hating being interrupted. "Which means, we have to figure out solution. First of all," She reached out and tried to move Szayel's glasses.

"Ow! What are you-"

"Just checking. Okay. They really won't come off-"

"Of course they won't! They are like your face mask that you somehow eat through!" Szayel cried, swatting her hand away before they tried to move his hollow mask again.

"I don't eat." Tia replied, "I drink my food and water through a straw. Which reminds me that maybe somehow…We could make a cut in the glasses to-"

"No!" He screamed, backing away before she even raised a hand.

"Yeah…If he's gonna be such a pain about it, " Grimmjow joked with a grin that only got him a glare back from the Eighth Espada, "We have to think of something else."

"I suppose you are correct, Grimmjow. And that really only leaves us one option I really did not want to suggest…"

"And what is that?"

"Go to the one shop to get a fix for this problem/"

"And where is that?" Nnoitra snorted, a idiotic idea coming to his mind. "Urahara's?"

"Yes."

"I was afraid you were gonna say that."

"….are they even open this late?" Grimmjow asked Tia who grabbed her purse off the top of the mini Refrigerator. "And isn't it in the place we are supposed to be right now? Also known as, Japan?"

"True. However, due to the popularity, we have one on ever continent. And thankfully, the one in Europe is not to far from here. And they would never turn down a customer."

* * *

"Hello and welcome!" An too eager shopkeeper greeted the four Espadas as they entered the small corner side shop in the downtown London area."And how may I help you all today?"

"And of course we run into the big guy himself…." Grimmjow muttered to himself, trying his best not to be hit with Urahara's happy fan dance.

"And what good timing! I was just about go to Antarctica tomorrow to check up on things there!" Urahara put his fans away after finally nailing Grimmjow's face for kicks. "Down to business. Confidential Business that is. No one will know you were ever here. Honest. I would never turn down a paying customers. What do you need?"

"We came for we have a problem…" Tia quickly outlined the basic problem with Szayel's glasses. Leaving out details of why they were in town. (Or in this world for that matter.) "And we need a solution."

"Ah…" Urahara grinned, "That's simple. There are two possible things I could give you. As I see that…well. You are, you." He refrained from saying Hollow as the attendants at the store would jump into action. "But… come over here… You with the glasses."

Szayel followed Urahara into the depths of the store, followed by his superiors.

"And so, I was thinking once you mentioned that your…Giga, I will call it does not completely conceal you as intended. It only being for temporary use and I was thinking that I could make you not only a more useful one, but one that wouldn't fall apart."

Tia stopped in her tracks, causing Nnoitra and Grimmjow to crash into her. "What did you say?"

"I said these will fall apart in a few weeks. Or less. Depending on may factors. You see, who ever made these for you, did not seal your Riatsu away correctly. I can see it leaking out through the skin, causing miniature tears in the fabric. And soon, you wouldn't have a moment of piece. As I sure that you would be swarmed by…well…As for you…"

Urahara stopped and glanced up and down at what he had to model the new Giga off of. "Do you want black hair or something more exciting?"

"Actually…" It was almost too painful to say, "It was pink a few days ago. Just as it has been for centuries. Naturally."

"Oh…My sympathies. And so, since we are emotionally attached to the hair or so I see, I'll make it pink then."

"And, before I ask how much, what was your second idea?" Tia asked, remembering what the shop owner said a few minutes ago.

"Second idea? Oh! Yes!" Urahara laughed, whipping out his fans again. "I was thinking that you should take one of these." He reached over and grabbed a small jar out of one of these bins. "Don't ask me where I got these okie?"

"Okay…" Szayel looked at the small container that had a bunny shaped top. "I won't. But what is this?"

"Of course you kn-wait. You wouldn't. That is Soul Candy. The best in fact! Just pop one in your mouth and you are replaced by a temporary soul!"

Szayel gently turned the jar around in his hands, thinking. "And… Can you teach these temporary souls?"

"Yep! If they care to listen. Some of them are duds, but get the right one and you're set. And you can reuse the same one too."

"Duds?" Nnoitra was not sure what he meant. "How?"

"Some have wacky personalities. But it can't be helped. Anyhow… Use a mod soul and that is where my second solution comes in. Once you're out of your Gigai, your riatsu will be free and send up a giant flare. So, to cut that-hold your hand out."

"All righ-" A simple wristwatch attached itself to Szayel's outstretched arm. "What is-"

"That is a Riatsu damper, or blocker as I would like to call it. When you wear it, the device cuts down almost all the flare. Enough anyhow to go undetected by most people and six-senses. And when you are in your Gigai, it gives you the date and time!"

Szayel stared at the pink watch, kind of liking the idea of it matching his hair. "And…is there a down side to this?"

"Kinda."

"What is that?"

"You won't be as powerful as the watch tries to suppress your energy. But I am sure for someone like yourself, you won't notice much different. Your Zanpakuto might not release as it takes a large amount to do so."Urahara listened to the silence that followed before adding, "Are you ready to check out? If you order a Gigai, I can guarantee it to be at your hands by tomorrow. Meanwhile, you can go home and experiment with the Soul Candy. It's strawberry flavored. Who knew that they could do that."

He caught the tall one make a face out of the corner of his eye. "Ew. I hate strawberries…"

"You don't have to eat it…Mr…Spoon, is it?"

"Sure. Whatever."

"Who here has the money?" Urahara asked with a happy smile on his face.

Tia stepped over to the counter with him, leaving Nnoitra, Szayel and Grimmjow, who could see tears running down Tia's face as she signed the bill.


	21. Soul Candy Auditions

"Try it out, oye." Nnoitra urged Szayel after they returned home with the Soul Candy and a humiliated Tia who actually wept on Grimmjow's shoulder on the way back.

Now, owning Urahara money for life and eternity.

"All right already!" Szayel snapped, having to put up with Nnoitra's pestering all the way back to the apartment. "I'll try it!" He brought the little container up to his mouth and with a clicked the button. "Wow… these do taste like-"

With a sudden jolt, Szayel found himself standing next to his body, dressed in his daily clothes he wore in Heuco Mundo. "Amazingly, it-"

"Hello!" A chipper voice chirped out of the body he was in a moment ago. "I'm Irina! It's great to meet someone so…pink."  
Szayel gave Nnoitra a look. Really? This was a feminine soul? No way was he…

"Next.." Grimmjow said, trying his best not to laugh. The soul did in fact fit Szayel, but… he guessed that was not what the Eight Espada was going for. Personality wise.

Szayel reached into the bag his body was holding and pulled out a small talisman. "Urahara said that this should work to change the soul out."

After a few minutes of confusion, Szayel put the next soul into his body, after handing the small green bead to Grimmjow who put it in his pocket. (As there seemed to be no way to put it back in the container it came in.

"Hopefully this one…" Szayel watched the body stand up from where it fell to the floor. Before speaking, the soul began to flex it's arms.

"Wow… Cool. Or…" he watched as nothing happened to his arm when he flexed it. "Not. I mean, how I am suppose to be a hunk when I'm in the body of a-"

Szayel slammed the talisman into his face, sending the little pill flying. "Ew. Next."

"Oh no!" The next soul screamed, discovering that was in a body. "My hair is black! I hate black! I hate you, weird person dressed in-"

"Next." Szayel said blankly. So far, auditions were not going so well.

"Hallo! Ich liebe dich! Was is-"

"No one will understand me… next."

"Why does this seem really annoying?" Nnoitra asked, sitting down on the top of couch next to Tia who had been silent since she stopped crying.

"Because, they all are… So…" Szayel stepped on the latest rejection, cracking the small green shell underfoot. "We must find one that is as close to my personality, or as normal as possible. No?"

"I suppose." Grimmjow said, hoping that all of them would be duds, so he'd get a good laugh. "On another matter… Nnoitra here is out of the job and how much are you getting payed, Szayel?"

"I am not sure. I do not get my check until a week after we open."

"And that is a major problem." Tia finally spoke. Her voice not indicating any sorrow. "For we are down to sixty cents."

"Sixty cents?" Grimmjow was sure they at least had a good three hundred left.

"We went to Urahara. And the Gigais I ordered, cost four hundred…for the month. All together…fifteen thousand. But I told him I'd make payments. And-"

"So that was why you were blubbering all over Grimmjow's shoulder like a wo-"  
Tia smashed her fist into the left side of Nnoitra's face, causing him to fall off the top of the couch. "Don't make me grind you up into dinner. Just because I am a Vasto Lorde, doesn't mean I do not enjoy lowly hollows like yourself."

Her voice echoed in the silence it left across the one room studio.

"I have come up with plan." Tia announced five minutes later once Nnoitra realized she was serious and shut up for once in his life. "Szayel. With your computer, make Grimmjow a resume and a many a fake diploma. I am sending him to teach school as I saw an opening for history teacher at the local Junior School in this district."

"Uh-oh…" Grimmjow muttered, realizing that like her threat, she was serious. "And… that second Gigai you ordered, was for me, I assume."  
"Of course it was. I ordered one for all of us."

"Sounds like an interesting plan." Szayel admitted, walking over to his corner to open his computer. "However, how is it that you wish for him to be a teacher when I could make him into a lawyer or some other higher earning profession?"

"This would be the best undercover job. If you can pull off normal human behavi- put down that can of friskies, Grimmjow!"

"Yeah." Nnoitra snatched the can out of his hands, "Bad kitty."

"Thank you for your comment, Spoon-Head. I was saying was as a simple human teacher he would blend in better and not be suspected if he suddenly disappeared. Which, you will have to resign before we leave for Japan."

"I see." Szayel opened one of his many programs and began to type away. "And I will have this to you by tomorrow."

"Good." Tia stood up and went over to the refrigerator. "Fine yourself a suitable soul and continue your work. Nnoitra. Make dinner."

"What?!" He gasped, shocked and appalled to even think of himself as cooking. "That is a-"

"Unless you want to be dinner. That is fine by me." Tia let the side of her mouth curl up a in a tiny smile. "I would not mind eating your little brain; spread on a nice cracker. With some garlic, maybe"

"Fine!" Nnoitra screamed, throwing his hands into the air. "I'll make food!"

* * *

"On second thought…" Grimmjow stared at the odd looking soup in front of him. What were those things sitting in the broth? All kinda chopped up into tiny pieces that floated on the surface. ""I am not sure sure this was…a good idea to let Nnoitra cook."

Tia picked up the small plastic straw and gently slid it through her hollow mask. "Tastes…fine to me."

"Yeah." Nnoitra did not bother to even use silverware, drinking out of the small bowl like it was a cup. "Tastes great. I told you so."

"Yes." Szayel muttered, starting at the odd soup that had been placed in front of him. "I suppose."

"Oye, don't just stare at it, eat it."

"And…" Szayel carefully poked at his soup, as if it were alive. "What if I don't want to?"

"Szayel." Tia cut in, "Just eat it and don't make a fuss."

She watched a scowl cross his face before he dug in, making a curious face as he tasted it. "Rather… Salty."

"Yeah." Nnoitra grinned, loving salt. "It's the best. You know, this is what I'd make when I was out fighting Hollows for days on end. It really lasts for a good three days and is a great source of protein."

"As much as cat food?" Grimmjow asked, still disappointed he was yet to get his hands on that damn can. "Although, like you, I don't eat it all the time. You know, just like on a salad."

"Weird." Szayel snickered at the idea of replacing croutons with dried cat food. "However, I must say Nnoitra, this is not too bad. Edible."

"Cool. I mean, it is rather an acquired taste."

"Really." Tia was sure salt was not an acquired taste.

"Yeah…" Nnoitra paused to finish off what was left of his soup, "I tried to make this for a group of hollows I went hunting with once-I just ate them in the end anyhow 'cause they were all weak as hell- and they did not seem to like the beetles."

Tia leaned back in her chair as Grimmjow and Szayel sent soup flying across the table.

"What?!" They screamed, making her wince.

"What the hell are you trying to do?!" Szayel demanded of Nnoitra who yawned. "Poison us?!"

"Nah, I just-"

"That is it!" Grimmjow yelled, standing up, "I am never going to-Oh… I don't feel so good."

"Neither do I. If you will excuse me." Szayel stood up and quickly left table as well; leaving Tia to witness the grin that crept onto Nnoitra's face. Happy as could be. "Don't think you are going to never cook again. Making those two sick only made me realize farther, how sexist you are. So, from now on, you shall learn to cook and clean."

"What?!" Nnoitra screamed, " You can't do that to me, you-"

"Yes I can." Tia crossed her arm and glared at him with her cold green eyes. "It is cook every meal for us properly or take orders from the Glass Tube and Szayel who will be ranking higher than you if you try kill us with your horrid cooking. Or leave the apartment uncleaned. Your lessons start now. As I am putting you in charge of taking care of the two you purposely made sick."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Hehe. I kinda love Tia. Not taking Nnoitra's comments or attitude. Anyhow, if you are ever lost in the wild, don't eat beetles as they are in fact poisonous. Except to Nnoitra who seems to be able to down them with no problem, being a semi-preying Mantis who eats a lot of different for Tia, she's shark and I am sure a shark would not be bothered by a few Beetles.


	22. Yammy's First Good Idea

"Just push the damn wheelchair." Ulquirrora ordered Starrk who was beginning to fall a sleep at the corner again. "Or I am going to be upset with you."

"And this was your idea." Starrk replied, kinda liking watch the charade from afar. "You have hands, roll the wheelchair that that explosion at McDonald's put you in. 'Cause I ain't pushing you around since I'm the first."

Ulquiorra tried to turn his head in the neck brace around to give him a cold look. "You are so cruel."

* * *

"ARRG! My eyes!" Aaroniero screamed after Yammy finally turned the television off. "Burned by Subway ads! ARRGG!"

"I like Craig…" Yammy declared for the fifteenth time that evening. "He's very smart…."

"Right! Then why don't you just go to Hollywood and leave me alone?!" Aaroniero screamed, his brains turned to mush by the hours of television.

"Okay." Yammy reached over and opened the bottom drawer of the nightstand. "I'll need this."

Aaroniero gasped as the big lug pulled a pearl necklace out and put it in his pocket. "Hey! Wait!" Aaroniero cried, watching Yammy head to the hotel room door. "I was only-"

"Kidding…" He muttered after the door shut with a loud slam.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Yammy leaving for Hollywood came out of the blue truly. And now, they may have to go save him at some point.


	23. Our Fabulous Teacher, Jaquez Clouseau

Grimmjow slowly made his way down the junior school corridor, hoping he looked human.

Human in the meaning of being alive.

Due to the horrible dinner, he and Szayel were wake and sick all night and so no one got any sleep at all.

Not even Tia whom Grimmjow swore could sleep through anything.

He caught a glimpse of his new appearance in the glass of the bathroom mirror. He stopped inside to make sure that his hair was actually blonde or if he were dreaming.

"And of course not..." Grimmjow ran his fingers through the white blonde hair of his gigai to style it as usual. Catching a glimpse of the blue watch on left arm which functioned the same as the pink one worn by Szayel. "How is it, I have a strange feeling that Tia likes blonde hair. Granted, her's is more yellow...and I am sure glad that my hair style is the same and my eyes are still their brilliant blue. Now..." He took an second glance in the mirror before continuing to the Principal Sandra's office down the hallway. "Hello, I am here for the interview for the new-"

"Right." The man behind the secretary desk pointed to the door down the hall. "In there, she's waiting to see you..."

Grimmjow smiled a little, "Jaquez. Jaquez Grimm." Damn, he was smart.

"Of course. Good luck."

"Thanks." Grimmjow turned and headed towards the Principal's office where after knocking gently, entered.

"Hello, Jaquez." Principal Sandra greeted him as he sat. "I am so glad you came. As you know, our last teacher up and left on us. I can assure you, however that the children are well behaved, the last teacher was the problem. So, after a swift talk, she left."

"I understand." Grimmjow sat back in the chair. He might actually like this job. His boss seemed nice enough.

"And when can you start?"

He shrugged as he glanced at the clock. "Anytime."

"Wonderful. How about today? The first class is in ten minutes."

"Great. I don't have any curri-"

"You don't have to use any material today." Sandra said with a smile, "Just go in there an introduce yourself and talk to the kids. We will talk afterwards about what you plan to teach."

"Sounds like a deal. I don't have a phone number right now." Grimmjow told her, "Just moved in you know… So I'll come back here after class."

"All right." Sandra glanced up at the clock, "I will see you in about forty-five minutes then."

* * *

"Come on." Nnoitra tried again, determined to get Szayel to say anything to him. "I didn't mean what I said, okay? I am sorry I got mad at you, damn it!"

Still nothing from Szayel who was starting out the window of the apartment, ignoring him.

"Just talk! Yeah, I know it's my fault that you got sick and all… But that was my nice new scarf I stole from Grimmjow, you barfed all over."  
Still nothing.

What was wrong? Szayel was better now, shouldn't he be thankful to Nnoitra for taking care of both of them, instead of giving the silent treatment. "Come on! I am sorry about that dinner. Okay? I won't like try to kill you anymore."

Damn! Szayel was too good that this tactic!

"No. I'm serious here." Nnoitra continued, just wanting someone to talk to him. Tia left that morning to apply for a job as a bartender at a local pub and departed without even a 'morning.' Which is what she usually said to Nnoitra. "It's scary when you're quite! I have no idea what you're thinking, Szayel! I can't take it anymore! Gaaah!"

* * *

"Hello class." Grimmjow walked into room 205 where the children had already taken their seats and taken to talking loudly among themselves. "Hey, hey! Quiet down!"

After a few minutes, they finally did as they were told.

"Hello again. I am you new History teacher." Grimmjow picked up the white board marker, "My name is Mr. Jaquez. And-"

"Like Jaquez Clouseau!"The kid in the back of the class blurted out.

"Yeah." Grimmjow laughed, not sure who the heck that was, but went along with it anyhow. "So I'll be here for a while so-you in the back of the class, stop passing notes please."

Grimmjow had to be completely honest with himself. It was not that he was bad teacher, he just never taught human children before. In Hueco Mondo, he was in charge of teaching Numeros Arrancar (The Numbers 11-down) the basics.

And as he stared at the class of twelve-year-olds who were beginning to become restless again, Grimmjow decided to teach them in the same way.

_Numeros, like children, have too much energy…. So… I'll just take them on a lot-a field trips… Heh. Yeah. I am so damn awesome!_

"Listen up, Nume-Kids!" Grimmjow said, tapping his fist on the table that sounded as if a human used ten times more force. "I have an important announcement."

"And what in the world is it?" A blonde haired girl in the front of the class asked. "Gonna give us homework?"

"…Not yet. I wanted to say…. Who is up for a field trip?"

The class fell silent. Their new teacher had to be joking. Or evil enough to pull their legs.

Grimmjow watched a hesitant hand creep into the air from the middle of the stunned class. "Yes? Did you have to say something…?"

"Jimmy. I'm Jimmy, sir." The boy with glasses and brown hair began. "Um… You don't really mean to take us on a field trip, do you?"

"Yep. I do." Grimmjow replied, a grin sliding onto his face. "Get your backpacks, we're going to the fair."

"Um, sir." Jimmy continued with out raising his hand. "We don't….have permission from our parents."

"Oh, yes. But that won't stop us from going to the park called outside, will it?"

"No, sir."

"Good." Grimmjow loved his job. It was so easy! Let the kids out and run around for forty-five minutes and enjoy themselves. "Let us go, then! And if anyone asks, we are researching how the…ancient people lived!"


	24. I'll Die Before I'll Cook

"Come on!" Nnoitra screamed in Szayel's ear two hours of coaxing later. "Talk to me okay?! I can't stand it! I am sorry for everything! Whatever did to upset you! I'm sorry okay? Geez, I'm sorry that I kissed you, okay?!"

He watched Szayel slowly stand up and walk towards the door leading into hallway. "I must leave for rehearsal now or I will be late. And remember Tia wants this place clean when she gets back."

With this, Szayel left the apartment after changing the hair of his Gigai with a touch of the finger and headed into town where the theatre was located. He had to admit that Urahara was in fact a genius as all of their Gigai's hair could change to any color imaginable. When he reached the back doors, he paused to catch his breath. It was such a horrible tragedy that he was not in his Gigai when he ate that damn soup. Or he would have made it to the theatre on time.

Food was universal, unfortunately.

So his normal body was able to eat the soup and any other Human World food.

"Damn it, I hate Nnoitra so much…" Szayel half stumbled up the steps to the backdoor of the theatre and walked inside.

"Wow…" was the first thing he heard when he came on stage. "What happened to you?"

Szayel glared at Ned who was sitting in the audience, making a shiver run up the human's frail spine. "Don't talk to me."

"Whoa…" Ned grinned foolishly, "Someone got dumped! Watch out, folks! He bites!"

"No. I did not get dumped." Szayel replied, opening his script to the first page for the run-through beginning in a moment. "My incompetent roommate made dinner and I was up sick with food poisoning last night if you must know."

"Eek." He watched Ned make another strange Human face. "What was it? Meatloaf? My mum has no clue when it comes to bad meat. Really spoiled last Christmas."

"It was an unfortunate incident with soup. Don't ask me." Szayel added as Ned opened his mouth. "Let us just rehearse shall-Christy, can you please not eat that sandwich right now?"

She glanced down at the wonderful dinner she was holding in her hands. "Um… Sure?"

"T…t..thank you." Szayel was honestly grateful, "It wasn't making me feel so well. Shall we move on to the run through?"

"Of course." Omar was sitting in the front row to just watch the production from the Audience standpoint. "And…the glasses, please?"

"Yes." Szayel reached a hesitant hand up to his face and pulled the glasses of his Gigai off his face.

For a moment, Szayel wondered if he were to disappear. Causing him to freeze in a panic as he no longer felt the weight on the bridge of his nose.

* * *

Tia walked into the apartment with a smile on her face. She had gotten the job with no problem at all. Her new sweet face must of had to do with it.

"Damn frickin' hot plate! I hate your guts, Tia!"

The smile was wiped right off her face as the only wooden spoon came flying her way. "What the hell do you think your doing?!" Tia screamed, seeing the box of mac and cheese she bought for dinner spilled all over the floor. The butter melting in grimy window and the small jar of milk she haggled for, half empty. "What are you trying to pull here?!"

"Nothing!" Nnoitra yelled back, hating his new stupid job. "I'm just trying to cook and you're the one who should be-"

He fell to the floor as Tia kicked him in the shin. "No! I am not supposed to be cooking! You are!"

Nnoitra tried his best to grin as she towered over him, "I mean, you-"

"Don't give me that crap!" She reached down and picked him up off the floor by the back of his shirt and dragged him over to the boiling pot of water. "See?!" She thrust the wooden spoon into Nnoitra's hand, "See?! You stir the water! You got that?!"

"There is no way I'm cooking!" Nnoitra protested, trying to break out of her grasp. "I quit this job!"

"You can't quit this job!" Tia grabbed his other arm as his other slipped out of her grasp. "I'm gonna make you cook it if is the last thing I DO! Because you are the biggest sexist jerk I've ever met! Do you hear that?!"

"Well it will be the last thing you'll do 'cause I'll die before I'll cook!"

"You're already dead!" Tia screamed, smashing her hard head into his. Sadly, it only gave both of them sudden headache as Nnoitra's head was as hard as rock. "And farther more! If I don't see you cooking in five seconds, you are going to make me to have to something I did not want to do!"

"Like what?! You know I've defeated the third Espada before!" Nnoitra bragged, still pleased with himself for planning Neliel's demise so well, (When in truth, Szayel was the brains behind the project.) "And now that I'm stronger, I'll have no problem defea-What are you doing…?"

Instead of attacking, Tia pulled out out stolen cellphone from her sweatpants pocket. And now had it up to her ear. What in the world was she doing?

"Hello?" Tia said in her sweet human voice. "I would like to talk with Romeo, please? I assume he's there. I know, he's in rehearsal… but tell him it's rather urgent. Tell him Tia's on the phone. Yes. Thank you."

Nnoitra watched her wait silently, suddenly fearing the end. He was going to be a little doll with tasty insides for Szayel to eat between scenes! Tia would take away Santa Theresa so he would never stand a chance!

"Hello?" Szayel asked, picking up the phone in the box office of the theatre, "What in world do you want?"

"Don't talk to your superior like that!" Tia snapped. Already at the end of her line with Nnoitra.

"Yes miss. What may I do for you?" Szayel laughed nervously for the first time in his life.

"In the theatre, I assume they have a seat and some duct-tape."

"I don't know. I could ask. What do you need it for?"

Tia glanced at Nnoitra with a smile on her face. She could feel him slightly shaking in her grasp. "We need dinner."

"And what does-"

"Just get it and bring it here now!" She screamed, making Szayel wince and hold the phone away from his ear. "That's an order!"

"Yes. I understand." He handed the phone back to William who was making ready for next evenings' opening. "Here you go…Sorry about that…."

"Think nothing of it…" William muttered, watching Romeo creep away into the theatre again. "My pleasure."

Szayel was not sure how he was going to get out of their last rehearsal, but if he didn't he'd have to take orders from Aaroniero. There was no doubt that Tia would be cold enough to ask Lord Aizen to demote him.

"Excuse me." He walked over to where Omar was sitting in the audience, watching the real Queen Gertrude on stage. "Can I speak with you?"

Omar looked up from the script he had to make sure that everything went smoothly. After some bumpy scenes, he gave up trying to be the audience. "What is it?"

"I…I kind of have to leave for like, ten minutes. Do you have any duct tape around here?"

"What do you…" Omar could not believe what he was hearing. "We are at the last rehearsal and you want to go home?"

"I…I have to go home." The thought of listening to Aaroniero's voices for the rest of eternity made a shiver creep into Szayel's shoes. "You see…"

Damn it. How was he going to explain this? And how in the world did he keep getting himself into such tight places?!

"No. You can't go home right now." Omar whispered, wondering what kind of actors he got for this profession production. "You're on in twenty minutes and I am not stopping the show!"

Szayel opened his mouth to scream at the director who would not be the one to make sure that Aaroniero had all his rubber ducks and bath toys in the right order on the side of the bath. Or the one who would have to follow him around Heuco Mundo for days on end, when a thought crossed his mind. "All right." Szayel said, hoping that these things learned fast. "I'm sorry. I'll go get ready for my scene."

"Good. Get back stage again!" Omar sat back in his chair and turned his attention to the stage once again.

Szayel closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Wow. What a save!

He turned and ran back stage to the green room where the other actors were listening to what was a happening on stage, via a monitor. He went over to sofa and grabbed his bag and dashed out to the back to the theatre before anyone would ask where he was going.

"Phew…" He set down his bag on the back steps where he entered the theatre hours ago. "That was close…Now it's time to play Roulette."

Szayel reached in the inside zipper pocket and pulled out the Soul Candy container. "Hopefully, one of these will work."  
He put the container up to his mouth once again and was shoved right out of his body a second later. "Ah…" Szayel smiled, enjoying the feeling of being free. He body felt so light, he knew he could fly. "And now I mus-"

"What in the world, Romeo?" Ned came over to his Gigai who was now practicing cheer-leading kicks.

_Damn! He must have followed me out here!_ Szayel watched him talk some more with the temporary soul. Rather perplexed at Romeo's sudden change of personality. _As long as he's not stupid enough to-_

Ned picked up the soul candy jar.

"No! No! No!" Szayel screamed, watching him examine the container. "Put that down! Don't-"

But it was too late.

Ned, the dear human actor, tried Soul Candy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Oh Goodness. I did not see this one coming either. It's gonna be interesting... Ned is going to be in company of a few very angry and hungry Espadas. I fear for him. Honest.


End file.
